- Johnny Carson: We were really poor! I remember one Thanksgiving, Mom brought home a big tom. And you know, with gravy on it, a cat doesn't taste all that bad.
- Doc Severinsen: I wanted a oyster stuffing in the turkey, and she wanted bread stuffing, and she got bread stuffing and a *lot* of money.
- Johnny Carson: [laughs] You mean you used to argue about what you're gonna stuff the turkey with?
- Doc Severinsen: Yes!
- Johnny Carson: And that was one of the problems?
- Doc Severinsen: And she's still stuffin' the turkey, but now it's with money!
- Johnny Carson: Well, it's nice to know you have no bitterness.
- Johnny Carson: They're not very nice birds to begin with; turkeys are not your...
- Doc Severinsen: They're terrible-looking things.
- Johnny Carson: They're terrible-looking, they're noisy as hell, and they're - they're mean birds.
- Doc Severinsen: They are.
- Johnny Carson: But kids would get them, you know. Now, you gotta go out there, and kill them? I couldn't do that.
- Doc Severinsen: They deserve it.
- Johnny Carson: What?
- Doc Severinsen: They deserve it! Anything that ugly should die.
- [Johnny laughs uproariously]
- Doc Severinsen: You know it... As you can see, I'm not too crazy about Thanksgiving.
- Doc Severinsen: I suppose you'll be home with the family, having turkey... Just a typical American family.
- Johnny Carson: That's right... And you'll be out there, writing the checks... Sending for the stuffing, huh?
- Doc Severinsen: You will have written yours the day before.
- Johnny Carson: That's right; mine's - mine's already in the mails.
- Doc Severinsen: [noting that Ed is in New York for the parade] And Ed went to deliver his personally... He flew it back.
- Johnny Carson: Yeah... Bu- but what does he know? Ha ha ha! Tie askew, and nose aglow. OK...
- [Johnny buries his face in the desk, laughing]
- Johnny Carson: I don't know about you; we're having an awful lot of fun up here, folks!
- Johnny Carson: I feel so terrible that you're gonna be alone; would you - would you like...
- Doc Severinsen: I didn't say I was gonna be *alone*.
- Johnny Carson: You just say you ain't gonna eat no turkey, right?
- Doc Severinsen: That's right.
- Johnny Carson: Would you like to come to the house and, uh...
- Doc Severinsen: This is the first time you've ever asked me.
- Johnny Carson: Well... well, now you made me feel so guilty...
- Doc Severinsen: I mean... I mean here, when you ask an employee, in front of fifteen million people, "Do you want to come to the house for Thanksgiving?", what am I gonna say? "Noooo."... You know what I say? I say, "Yes, Mr. Carson - I'd love to."
- Johnny Carson: Can you come?
- Doc Severinsen: No.