And do you want to know something? That really got me thinking hard.
We the people of the United States do hereby beg for a president who leads this country not through the use of bullying and fear but shows us the way by guilt and righteous megalomania. Oh Kirk - lead us into the light so that we may wash away the error and filth of our poorly lived lives and that we might always hold our heads high in times of doubt and temptation and ask ourselves "what would Kirk Cameron do?" I actually thought I was happy and living a good life until Kirk showed me that I was wrong. I threw out all of my clothes and replaced them with bright, cheerful sweaters and khaki pants which don't really fit right, especially in the rear end. Now see there! I said rear end, would never have called it that just a few short months ago!! Thank you Kirk! You are my angel, my everything, my moral compass and the bar by which I set all of my standards both for myself and for others. This past Christmas I gave only one gift to every member of my family, DVD copies of Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas. My kids cried for days after but I know that putting them on the path to being the best versions of themselves they can be trumps receiving a bunch of useless toys for Christmas. My 6 year old boy (named Seaver after Kirk's Growing Pains character) and my 8 year old daughter (named Hammond after Kirk's character in Like Father, Like Son) have not spoken to me in two weeks now but they told their mother that they feel like everything is brighter now and they feel lighter and like better people so I know my choice was the right one. My wife is trying to mend things and get them speaking to me again. She has arranged for all of us to go door to door handing out copies of "Growing Pains - A Guide To Modifying Your Core Value System To Align With Kirk Cameron's". We think the neighborhood will really appreciate learning to live like Kirk and be good people. Kirk has earned the name Kirk many times over but if he keeps up the good work he might just earn the middle name Tiberius one day!!!