The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (TV Series)

Joan Rivers/William & Amos Caulfield (1981)

Ed McMahon: Self - Announcer

Quotes 

• Johnny Carson : [in the monologue]  "Well, what did I do today?", he asked himself. Well I took a stroll today through the ghetto area of Beverly Hills: Skid Drive. I saw a sobering thought there: A little old lady sitting on the curb eating plain-wrapped caviar.

  [audience awws] 

  Johnny Carson : Now, if you do leave Burbank and go into Hollywood later, have you been to Hollywood yet? In the actual...

  [audience responds "Yeah"] 

  Johnny Carson : yeah. You'll find a few flakes walking around the streets. I saw some weirdos. A girl stopped me today, I happened to be there...

  [Ed is heard laughing off-camera] 

  Johnny Carson : What?

  Ed McMahon : You're all over the place!

  Johnny Carson : I went everywhere today for material.

  [audience laughter] 

  Johnny Carson : Girl in platform shoes stopped me on Sunset Boulevard and she says, "Can you give me $50 until I get back on my back?

  [audience laughter] 

  Johnny Carson : Another weirdo stopped me, and said, "Mr. Carson, can you give me an autograph?" I said, "Sure." He said, "Good, how about a Burt Reynolds?"

  [audience laughter] 

  Johnny Carson : And even in Beverly Hills, they have weirdos there!

  [Ed continues laughing] 

  Johnny Carson : Another one stopped me there. I went every place, all over Southern California. I was driving past the Beverly Hills Hotel, a little old lady stopped me and she says, "Can you give me a lift?" And I said "okay", and she says, "Okay can you take just a little under the eyes and under the neck?"

  [audience laughter] 

  Johnny Carson : Possibly I ran into one too many weirdos.