The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (TV Series)
Charles Grodin/Kevin Nealon/Linda Thorson (1985)
Kevin Nealon: Self - Guest Comic
Photos
Quotes
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Kevin Nealon : I tried skiing cross-country this year. That's a tough sport. Here's a little tip, if you're gonna try it: Start off with a small country... Go the width, not the length. Chile - Chile's a good beginner's country.
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Kevin Nealon : I like that event they have in the Winter Olympics, called the biathlon - they ski cross-country, y'know? They go for a couple of miles, then they shoot the rifle; then they put the skis back on, they go another couple of miles. I suggested they have something like that last year at the Summer Olympics. OK - here's what you do: You dive into the pool. You swim a hundred meters. You get out; you barbecue a steak... Then you dive back into the pool, and you finish the race... You take the skis off.
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Kevin Nealon : [on doing his own taxes] I told 'em - I said, "Send me the simplest form you have; I'm gonna do it myself this year." So I got this form in the mail; it, uh, it came with a box of crayons... Here's how it works: On their form, they draw a stack of money. All you gotta do is color in about how much you think you should get back. Now, it sounds easy, but be careful - 'cause, y'know, if you go outside the line, you don't get any money back.