- Lady Alex Spencer-Parker: I was brought up to wash my hands after going to the lavatory.
- Hooten: I was brought up not to pee on my hands.
- Lady Alex Spencer-Parker: Do you think she'd be willing to show me the parchment now?
- Penny McQuinn: Oh, of course! But it's only polite to spend some time with her first, not rush in. Like that's the only thing we're interested in. Even though it is.
- Hooten: You were about to tell me how much this scroll might be worth.
- Lady Alex Spencer-Parker: It's always about money with you, isn't it?
- Hooten: Humour me. Preferably in Bolivian Bolivianos.
- Lady Alex Spencer-Parker: [Looking at a rickety bridge] Is there another way?
- Hooten: Not if we want to get there before I come back as a goat.
- Lady Alex Spencer-Parker: Come on, Alex. "Where the thumb rises".
- Hooten: Maybe he was a hitchhiker.
- Lady Alex Spencer-Parker: Not helping.
- Hooten: What does this say?
- Lady Alex Spencer-Parker: [Reads in foreign language]
- Hooten: That doesn't actually help.
- Penny McQuinn: Yeah, well, um.
- [Translates]
- Penny McQuinn: Just as a candle needs fire to burn, so man needs a spiritual life to live. When the thumb rises on Heart Mountain against the sun the hand unclenches, to reveal what lies in the palm.
- Hooten: ...That doesn't help either.
- Hooten: You see? This is what you drive people to do.
- [Hooten headbutts the monkey figure]
- Lady Alex Spencer-Parker: Hooten! That was centuries old!
- [the temple doors open]
- Lady Alex Spencer-Parker: How did you know to do that?
- Hooten: You don't even know the old Headbutt the Monkey Temple trick. You call yourself an expert.
- Hooten: This is Nirvana. I came back as me. Sweet.
- Lady Alex Spencer-Parker: I also gave you something. And old monk's trick, but I think you're going to be fine.
- Hooten: [Hooten notices his pants are unbuttoned] These monks and their tricks.
- Lady Alex Spencer-Parker: Uh, I can explain that.
- Hooten: Look forward to it.
- [Hooten licks his lips]
- Hooten: Is that lip balm?
- Lady Alex Spencer-Parker: [Touching her lips] Um, no. I can explain that as well.