- Constable George Crabtree: As my Aunt Marigold says: i-if you don't try, you'll never know where trying may have taken you.
- Chief Constable Davis: Doesn't seem fair, does it? To lose your job, your pension; to be sent to a prison with a bunch of convicts you helped put away. I hear they don't take kindly to that.
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: Come here to rub it in, have you?
- Chief Constable Davis: I'm not here to gloat, Tom. I don't want to see you destroyed over a momentary... lapse of judgement.
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: My only lapse of judgement was underestimating you.
- Chief Constable Davis: Yes. But you did. And here we are. Me standing here, and you sitting there.
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: What is it you want, Davis?
- Chief Constable Davis: I've come with an offer.
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: An offer?
- Chief Constable Davis: A position has opened up at City Records. It's not police work and won't pay much, but... you'll keep your pension and stay out of jail.
- Chief Constable Davis: What do you want?
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: Full confession. Including your assault on Mr. Dilbert , *and*... your collusion with the Board of Control.
- Chief Constable Davis: I cant give your the Board.
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: Your choice. You can have a job and keep your pension, or you can to five to ten in the company of men you sent to prison. They don't take kindly to that I hear.
- Chief Constable Davis: What's the job?
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: It just so happens, there's an opening at City Records.
- [first lines]
- Window Installer: Just a bit higher, Jake.
- [Jake falls, the window shattering over him]
- Window Installer: Jake! Hold on, Jake! Oh God.
- [Miss James runs over to help]
- Window Installer: Come on Jake. Hey, hey, careful.
- Rebecca James: It's all right; I know what I'm doing.
- Window Installer: Are you some kind of nurse.
- Rebecca James: A doctor in training.
- Window Installer: [about a glass shard in Jake's neck] How deep is it?
- Rebecca James: I don't know. I, I think it's obstructing his windpipe.
- Window Installer: Oh God. Hold still, Jake.
- [Miss James pulls out the shard and Jake starts choking on blood]
- Window Installer: Oh, oh no, please no. What have you done!
- Rebecca James: Oh no. Oh no! Give me something to staunch the blood.
- Window Installer: [he hands her his scarf] Here. Come on. Hold on; come on.
- Rebecca James: I can't stop it.
- Dilbert Dilton: Cuss words of any sort will be subject to an immediate fine of five cents.
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: Five cents?
- Dilbert Dilton: Per expletive. A string of colourful invective will prove quite costly I assure you
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: So, what do I do?
- Dilbert Dilton: Hmph. You will be replacing Miss Samantha Shire and Mr. Kenneth Page in indexing.
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: Hello.Goodbye.
- Dilbert Dilton: We're in the process of converting to a new filing system. Essentially we're combining the accessibility of a bound volume with the mutability of an open file system. Every piece of paper in every file folder is to be punched and placed in a two-hole binder in concordance with the index.
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: How many file folders are there?
- Dilbert Dilton: Ah, see for yourself.
- [he slides a door aside revealing a very long aisle of shelves filled with folders]
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: Bloody hell!
- Dilbert Dilton: That'll be ten cents.
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: How much?
- Dilbert Dilton: Per expletive.
- [last lines]
- Dilbert Dilton: Every piece of paper in every file folder is to be punched and placed in a two-hole binder in concordance with the index.
- Chief Constable Davis: And how many file folders are there?
- Dilbert Dilton: Well, you can see for yourself.
- [he slides a door aside revealing a very long aisle of shelves filled with folders]
- Chief Constable Davis: Bloody hell!
- Dilbert Dilton: That'll be ten cents.
- Chief Constable Davis: How much!
- Dilbert Dilton: [somewhat cowed] Per expletive.
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: What have you got to say for yourself, Eddie?
- Eddie Crawford: My shop's in Station 5's jurisdiction, Tom.
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: It's Inspector Brackenreid to you. Oh, and by the way, any Toronto constable can arrest ant thieving bugger anywhere in the City of Toronto.