- Marty: Hey, I know you! From Spiders! You were the sourpuss fighting with the girl in the shiny dress.
- Greg Serrano: Hey, I'm not a sourpuss. I am pensive. And deep. Are you dusting potatoes?
- Paula Proctor: Where can a person buy poison oak and what is the rashiest kind?
- Phone: Richard Kind is a 59 year old actor best known for his role in Spin City.
- Paula Proctor: No, poison oak, rashiest kind.
- Phone: Jim Rash is the award-winning writer of The Descendants.
- Paula Proctor: Come on!
- Greg Serrano: Whoop-de-feakin'-do, an A. What's an A? It's just a letter on the page meant to distract us from the pain. But it's not like any A can make a difference in the day. Sure I could get an A if I wanted an A, but who cares about an A? I don't. I don't care. Although I could have made that grade if I did care. But I don't. But I could if I wanted to!
- Valencia Perez: I wanna make myself very, very clear. I know what happened, I know about the kiss, and if it were any other situation, I would take off my earrings, my extensions and my wings and curb-stomp you.
- Valencia Perez: Wow, they don't think I'm heinous anymore! Jastinity even offered me a half stick of gum. I said no because I bloat, but still.
- Rebecca Bunch: Here is a list of all of the objects that I can hold under my boobs: Stapler, ten pencils, paperback copy of Arabian Knights, dog bone, remote control, hardback copy of Wuthering Heights.
- Paula Proctor: Okay, let's see what we've got here. Valencia's photos: Chocolate cake, fried chicken, spaghetti with meatballs... Oh, she just likes to LOOK at food!
- Valencia Perez: I'm telling you, it was Rebecca! She's been Single White Female-ing me since she got here!
- Rebecca Bunch: Valencia...
- Valencia Perez: You take one step closer and I'm getting a restraining order, Jennifer Jason Leigh!
- [Rebecca bursts through the door and kisses Greg]
- Greg Serrano: No, I can't do this. I can't eat a dusty potato.
- Rebecca Bunch: Oh God, is that what I taste like? I mean, I ate an old french fry off the floor off my car, but I...
- Greg Serrano: It's a metaphor. Wait, you did what?
- Rebecca Bunch: I got them heavy boobs, heavy boobs, dense like dying stars. I got them heavy boobs, heavy boobs - I can't run real far! Let me break down what I just said: Each of my double-D's has the volume of a toddler's head. Not bitchin' 'bout my boobies, they look super-fly in shirts, but if I swung them in your face, you'd be like, "Oh my God, that hurts! I blind! Holy crap! I literally can't see! I have permanent retinal damage! I'm suing you and your heavy boobies!"
- Rebecca Bunch: What you've got to know is that boobs may be where it's at, but if you cut them open, they're just sacks of yellow fat!
- Rebecca Bunch: See, when a star is dying, it transforms into a red giant, and if the red giant does not have enough mass to fuse carbon, an inert mass of carbon and oxygen builds up in the center, transforming into a dense white dwarf. And yeah, like, that's my boobs. That's what my boobs are like.