- Ben Cafferty: I've just been kibitzing with the Qatari ambassador, Mohammed bin Nasser bin Khalifa Al Jaffar.
- Selina Meyer: Please don't have him sign the guest book.
- Ben Cafferty: Yeah, he comes bringing a message from China.
- Selina Meyer: Why would China go through Qatar?
- Ben Cafferty: Qataris love to insert themselves. They're wet-fingered.
- Selina Meyer: They're into ass play?
- Ben Cafferty: [sticks his index finger into his mouth and then takes it out] No, they have a gift for sensing prevailing political winds.
- Selina Meyer: I'll bet they're into ass play, too.
- Selina Meyer: Lord God, please ease my mother's pain and suffering.
- Gary Walsh: [whispers] Yes, Lord. Yes, Lord.
- Selina Meyer: Ease her passing. Ease it all.
- Gary Walsh: Yes.
- Selina Meyer: Ease it down the... the... Lord, let her daughter, Thy humble servant, be the first woman elected President of the United States. Please, this is so much to bear.
- Gary Walsh: Oh, it is, Lord. It is.
- Selina Meyer: Hear my prayer.
- Gary Walsh: Hear her prayer.
- Selina Meyer: Lift me up.
- Gary Walsh: [raises left arm in prayer] Lift her up, Lord.
- Selina Meyer: No, I mean actually lift me up 'cause my heel is stuck in this thing.
- Mike McLintock: I hope Mee-Maw's okay.
- Selina Meyer: She's been at death's door like five times, - but she always bounces back to life.
- Gary Walsh: It's true.
- Selina Meyer: She's like that guy that guy
- Gary Walsh: Lazarus.
- Selina Meyer: Rasputin.
- Jonah Ryan: You can't put a Jonah Ryan on TV like that. 18 to 34-year-old women are gonna be distracted by that.
- Dan Egan: The only thing that women 18-34 are gonna do when they see you on camera is file a restraining order.
- Catherine Meyer: Mom, you should say hi to her.
- Selina Meyer: Honey, if I wanted to talk to an unconscious person I'd book myself on Charlie Rose.