Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)

Christmas with the Kranks (2015)

Rob Walker: Santa Christ

Quotes 

• Nostalgia Critic : [about to review "Christmas With the Kranks"]  It's so bad, I wish I could give this review as little effort as possible.

  [Santa Christ appears, with his two assistants, played by Malcolm and Tamara] 

  Santa Christ : Wish? Did somebody say wish?

  Nostalgia Critic : No, no no no, I'm not doing that, Santa Christ, no, I AM NOT dignifying this review with any kind of effort, whatsoever!

  Tamara : [she and Malcolm take off their costumes]  Well, we put these costumes on for no reason...

  Malcolm : Care to a Yuletide Hamper?

  Tamara : You know it.

  [they both start to leave] 

  Santa Christ : Wait, discip-elves! Get back here, you pointy-eared lushes!

• Santa Christ : Critic, what's going on?

  Nostalgia Critic : This movie tries so little to be anything interesting or good I want to devote as little effort as possible to it! Like the good old days, y'know, before I had a budget or a studio... Just talked in front of a camera and didn't have to try as hard... Things were easier and better, then...

  Santa Christ : Well, the segue you were going to put effort into would've made that happen. BUT, since you're not interested...

  [leaves] 

  Nostalgia Critic : [going after Santa Christ]  No, no, no, no! I want to give this movie the same shit-to-port delivery it gave me!

  Santa Christ : Very well, then...

  [starts gesturing] 

  Santa Christ : By the discontinuous powers that somehow killed me in the Cinema Snob crossover, yet brought me back...

  Nostalgia Critic : Yeah, sorry about that.

  Santa Christ : Dick... I send you TO THE PAST!

  [both teleport away in an explosion] 

• [the Critic and Santa Christ travel to his parents' home] 

  Nostalgia Critic : This is just my folks' place.

  Santa Christ : NOT just your folks' place! Your folks' place in 2007! A.D.

  Nostalgia Critic : You mean I can see...?

  [they go inside the Critic's room, with its yellow walls, where he used to film his videos; they see the Critic himself there, wearing a red shirt and no tie] 

  Nostalgia Critic : It's young me!

  Past Critic : Holy shit! What's going on here?

  Nostalgia Critic : Hey, you wanna travel to the future for a day?

  Past Critic : Really? I get to see all the new ideas Hollywood comes up with?

  Nostalgia Critic : That's right, all three of them.

  Past Critic : I'm in!

  Santa Christ : Come with me, you slightly overweight scamp.

  [they travel into the future together, leaving the present Critic to do the review in the past]