- Roger Furlong: [to Jonah] Now let me give you some advice before you're yanked out of here like a cheerleader's unwanted fetus. You say nothing and you do less. And take off those fucking glasses. You look like Clark Kent if they dug up Christopher Reeve's corpse to play the part.
- Bob Bradley: [last lines - to new President Elect, Laura Montez, thinking she's is Selina] Selina, good news. We found the missing Nevada ballots. You won.
- Dan Egan: God, my phone is blowing up with these TV offers. Think I might need an agent. You know, someone who can take the Dan Egan brand to the next level.
- Amy Brookheimer: Too bad Goebbels killed himself.
- Roger Furlong: [to Jonah and his interns, who are loudly playing office basketball] Do you realize the whole goddamn Rayburn House Office Building can hear you and your twink army in here cock scraping each other's esophagi?
- Tom James: Vice President, take it or leave it.
- Selina Meyer: I wouldn't be your veep if there were a grassy knoll full of Jodie Foster fans in the front row at your inauguration.
- Tom James: That's a "leave it".
- Jonah Ryan: Oh, also, we got to get some eye candy in here. You know, hire some hot interns.
- Richard Splett: Oh, Uncle Jeff sent a bunch of resumes from New Hampshire. One of them was a phone number on a bar napkin.
- Jonah Ryan: No, New Hampshire is just a fancy word for "it's cold outside, so I don't shave my pubes."