- Jessica reveals her relationship to the other teachers, which upsets them. They think her field trip choice has been unduly influenced by her relationship.
- Jess struggles not to show favoritism to Ryan now that they are officially a couple, leading to a disastrous class field trip. Meanwhile, Schmidt gets an ulcer and Winston becomes obsessed with wearing a crystal. BONUS: Series Premiere of new drama EMPIRE included for free in this 2 for 1 download.
- At the loft, Schmidt doubles over in pain after drinking coffee, but refuses to see a doctor. Nick and Kai are on the couch, where they've been for days.
Coach busts into Jess' room, where she's naked in bed with Ryan. He says he's done research that proves they don't have to date in secret. He's upset that all the hot teachers are now oogling Ryan instead of him. Jess and Ryan are excited about the idea.
Jess brings a stack of research to Principal Foster and he decides to go along because he doesn't want to read it. But he warns her that the teachers will be watching her for any signs of favoritism as they present their field trip proposals.
At the doctor's office, Nick braces for the worst, but the nurse says Schmidt just keeps forgetting to take his ulcer medication.
At school, Jess announces she's dating Ryan then sits for the proposals. They include the water treatment plant, a place with "freaking" skeeball and an undefined nature experience. Then Ryan announces he's arranged for the students to go to the space center and speak with a Russian astronaut and actually operate the Mars rover.
Jess says she's going with Ryan's because it was clearly the best, but gets booed anyway.
The next day, Nick physically prevents Schmidt from going to work. He insists he's fine: "I like my stomach like I like my suits: no lining."
Kai rounds up all of Schmidt's laptops and phones while Nick tries to get him to relax. Nick and Kai forcefully swaddle him and lay him down on the couch.
At school, all the teacher's drop Jess' office to complain. She caves and decides to go with another field trip.
Back at the loft, Winston tries to convince Coach the crystal his fellow cops are making him wear for hazing is actually helping him with the ladies. He says it can help conquer your biggest fears, which for Coach is country line dancing. But Coach thinks he just needs to learn how to be more sensitive.
Nick notices Schmidt is missing and finds him hooked up to an old Apple word processor in the bathroom. He asks Nick if he gets bored doing nothing all day. Nick asks him what he gets out of slaving away at work.
In the morning, Coach comes out dressed in a sweater vest, tie and glasses. Winston points out he's dressed like Ryan.
Out among the foliage, the biology teacher tells the kids to rake up leaves into observational piles and put them into research bags. Jess tries to reassure herself she made the right choice of field trips.
At work, Schmidt begs his boss Gina for a new account, but she tells him he's the best mid-level manager she's ever had and she's going to keep him right by her side forever. And she might need him to suit up in a horse costume for her son's birthday party.
Out in the foliage, Coach tries to be sensitive with the nurse, who instead picks up his "murderous, creepy vibe."
Jess notices the kids have raked the leaves into a big pile for burning and there's a mini chain gang digging a trench. She realizes they're at the biology teacher's farm. She tries to get the kids to stop working but the biology teacher whacks a wasps next with a shovel and it goes from bad to worse. Coach goes to rescue her.
Later at the bar, Jess has to admit she's never so failed at her hard at her job. With welts all over his face, Coach points out she doesn't need the teachers to like her, just listen to her. Cece says a man dating someone at work would never worry. But Jess cares too much what other people think.
When Schmidt comes home later, Nick is ready talk. But Schmidt admits he's a "corporate monkey." Nick says he wants to be the kind of bum that other bums look up to. They have an idea at the same time and announce they should work together. Their first brainstorm is "turkey robots." Number two is "black robots." Nick suggests a water bottle with a top cut off, which Schmidt points out is basically a cup.
At school, Coach sidles up to the two hot teachers and announces he is in so much pain from the wasp stings that he is "basically a street lunatic with a face made of fire." The nurse offers to get him some lotion for the sting on his "do dad."
Jess begins the teacher meeting by announcing that she's going to make unpopular decisions but she'll always be there to listen. She reiterates that she's dating Ryan then blurts that she loves him. He feels the same. The meeting continues.
Later at the bar, Coach puts on the crystal and starts country line dancing to "Any Man of Mine." The gang joins in.
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