Plot

Jess, Coach and Ryan attend a teacher's conference, led by education guru Brenda Brown. Back at the loft, Nick, Schmidt and Winston try to have a wild weekend while Jess is out of town.

Jess learns that the guys are planning a Guy's Night while she's at a two-day teacher's conference in Palmdale. Coach has to start teaching Health, so he has to go, too. He is excited about neither prospect.

Cece wonders how Jess is going to keep clear of super hot British teacher crush Ryan for two days, but Jess doesn't expect to even see him.

Cut to the hotel -- their rooms are next to each other.

Back in the loft, Schmidt makes sangria. Next on the docket, eating meat and a fart nap. They try to think of things they can't do when Jess is there, then go to watch the yoga studio across the street. Schmidt flails his sangria on Jess's blanket and panics.

Nick suggests he just wash it, then mentions that in all the years he's known him, he's never seen him do laundry. Nick challenges him. Winston and Nick watch as Schmidt puts detergent through the lint filter and throws quarters into the dryer, finally admitting he doesn't know how to do it.

At the conference, Jess enlists Coach to be her Ryan buffer. They sit down for a presentation by Brenda (Lisa Bonet), the education guru. Coach thinks she looks like one of those ladies who talks people into having a baby in a tub. She singles out Coach and he bails for the bar when she tells people to partner up. Jess is left without her Ryan buffer.

Back at the loft, Schmidt explains that he went to college not knowing how to do it then was frightened from the laundry room by hot girls and missed his window when it was socially acceptable to learn. Winston confesses that he doesn't know how to read a ruler.

At the conference, Jess and Ryan have to ask each other questions from note cards and with each one he turns out to be more and more perfect for her. (He scrapbooks on rainy days and owns spools of yarn.) They set a new course record as he guides her blindfolded through an obstacle course.

That night in her room, Jess calls Cece and says she thinks Ryan is an angel like Denzel Washington in "The Preacher's Wife." Jess has Cece read a letter she wrote to herself, admonishing her for considering sleeping with the first employee hired during her "reign."

At the bar, Coach complains about teaching but two drunk teachers explain that Health is the most important subject and if he screws up the kids could get pregnant.

Back at the loft, Nick puts Schmidt through laundry boot camp. He shows Winston to start with the first number on a ruler. Back at the laundry, they explain that permanent press is fake. Schmidt successfully washes his sheets.

At the hotel bar, Ryan confronts Jess for avoiding him. Before she can waste two much time lying poorly, they're called to the pool to see Coach freaking out on the roof of the pool house.

In the loft, Nick is ready to do a bar crawl but Schmidt is delirious with fresh laundry joy and Winston won't stop measuring things. Nick confesses he can't say the alphabet without singing the song and he never learned how to love. They think attention must be paid to the latter.

Cut to them in a sheet tent, with Schmidt and Winston singing "I Want to Know What Love Is" while swilling sangria.

Jess joins Couch on the roof of the pool house but isn't getting through to him. Ryan joins her and they turn him around so he's ready to teach. Then he falls off the roof into the pool. Jess warns Ryan not to do anything heroic, but he does a perfect swan dive into the pool to save Coach.

Back in the loft they're on to "Hello, Is It Me You're Looking For?" Schmidt suggests Nick is aiming too low in women.

Winston confesses he's worried about seeing something as a cop and having it change him.

Jess and Ryan entertain themselves as Coach sleeps it off and Jess concludes that Ryan really is perfect. She blurts out that she has a crush on him, but is saved when Coach wakes up demanding a bucket for his "mouth sweats."

The next morning, Coach is fired up to "crush" Health.

When Jess sees Ryan, she says she doesn't really feel that way about him and asks him to forget it. He tells her she's beautiful and insane and he can't stop thinking about her. She kisses him, then they say good bye for the Thanksgiving Break.

When Jess and Coach return to the loft, Coach tells the guys that Ryan put his teeth behind Jess' teeth. Jess goes to her room to decompress. Her blanket is clean, but shrunk to half its size.