Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)

Alice in Wonderland (2014)

Malcolm Ray: Carrotjuice, Jibberjabber, Announcer

Quotes 

• Nostalgia Critic : Why does spring cleaning always have to come after winter? What the hell is this?

  [takes a hard drive with the label of "Old Home Movies"] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Oh, my God, I thought I had these destroyed after Wilsongate. Well, we'll soon fix that. Where's my evidence destroying hammer?

  [suddenly, a strange-looking black rabbit dressed like Beetlejuice appears, startling the Critic] 

  Carrotjuice : Hey, I'm Carrotjuice! Don't be upset, today's the greatest day ever! In fact, let's give each other gifts!

  [grabs the hard drive out of the Critic's hands] 

  Nostalgia Critic : HEY!

  Carrotjuice : Toodles!

  [takes off, with the Critic in hot pursuit] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Get back here, you evil Nesquik bunny!

• Nostalgia Critic : [in the movie, Alice learns that she is prophesied to kill the Jabberwocky]  Oh, great. Another "prophecy" story. You know, why are these so popular? Why does everyone go along with something because "the prophecy said so"? What reliable source do these prophecies come from? Who writes them? How do we know they can be trusted?

  [cut to Malcolm sitting at a desk and talking on a phone] 

  Voice on phone : Sir, Wonderland is checking up on their prophecy.

  Malcolm : I told them to check that weird calendar thing I made up.

  Voice on phone : And Narnia?

  Malcolm : I don't know. A beaver shall lead the way for the "Bedknobs and Broomsticks" kids with the Lion King.

  Voice on phone : "Dune"?

  Malcolm : A chosen one.

  Voice on phone : "Matrix"?

  Malcolm : A chosen one.

  Voice on phone : "Phantom Menace"?

  Malcolm : A chosen one.

  Voice on phone : Jesus?

  Malcolm : Um, let's leave that one up to interpretation. I don't see anyone going too crazy for that one.

• Nostalgia Critic : [seeing Malcolm]  Hey, is it me, or does that guy look familiar?

  [sees that Malcolm is Carrotjuice in disguise] 

  Carrotjuice : NOPE!

  Nostalgia Critic : Oh, okay, it must be one of them... HEY!

  Carrotjuice : Hey, hey, hey!

  [zips away as the Critic and Malice give chase] 

  Carrotjuice : Oh happy day, oh happy day.

  Nostalgia Critic : What's he so happy about anyway?

• Nostalgia Critic : [the White Rabbit gives Alice some cake that makes her grow huge]  And this is another reason why Wonderland doesn't work as a strategic world of war: There's cake that makes you grow huge. Whoever has that shit, battle over! You win! Mass produce that shit, and make an army of King Kongs! You could squash this place like a Lego city faster than you can say "curiouser and curiouser"! It's like if Malice and I had some of that cake, and we suddenly came across a threat.

  [suddenly, they hear of a dragon roaring; they run into a Jabberwocky-like creature with a computer for a head] 

  Jibberjabber : I am the terrible Jibberjabber, writer of these terrible movies!

  [Malice eats a bit of cake and grows to giant size] 

  Jibberjabber : Allow me to make your lives more needlessly complicate...

  [sees Malice has grown to giant size] 

  Jibberjabber : Oh dear...

  [Malice stomps her foot down on the Jibberjabber, crushing it] 

  Nostalgia Critic : But no, rather than kill the queen in her tracks even though she's a giant, she makes up a story about who she is. Why? What's the purpose? She could bite her head off like a fucking animal cracker!