Archer (TV Series)
Archer Vice: House Call (2014)
H. Jon Benjamin: Sterling Archer
Photos
Quotes
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Cyril Figgis : How do you not know the different kinds of porn?
Sterling Archer : Because I have sex with actual women, Cyril. My girlfriend's not equal parts the internet, a tube of Kentucky jelly, self-loathing, and a sock.
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Cyril Figgis : So, as you can see, we are already down to 125 kilos of cocaine, which was worth about six million dollars.
Sterling Archer : Wait, how much is that in pounds?
Cyril Figgis : Forget pounds, we're doing kilos!
Sterling Archer : No, I meant pounds...
Malory Archer : Sterling!
Sterling Archer : Exactly! As in, Doctor Who money.
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[Ray Gillette is loudly crying in drunken depression over not being able to walk]
Special Agent Hawley : My God, are they... torturing a woman?
Special Agent Hawley : [loudly while running up the stairs] Hang on, ma'am! I'm a Federal Agent, and I'm coming! By God, I am coming!
[Archer has a finger raised]
Lana Kane : [to Archer, Cyril, and Kreiger] Okay, you three head upstairs...
Sterling Archer : Hang on.
Lana Kane : I'm going to the kitchen to make sure he doesn't stumble onto the coke.
Sterling Archer : Hang on.
Lana Kane : What?
Sterling Archer : Question.
Lana Kane : [annoyed] What?
Sterling Archer : Are we not saying "Phrasing" anymore? Which, that's fine, whatever, but if we're doing a new thing and nobody told me, *that* I'd have a problem with.
Special Agent Hawley : Oh, screw me!
[Archer raises a finger and everyone else disperses]
Sterling Archer : [alone] Said Ripley to the android Bishop. Wait, hang on. Um... God damn it! What was wrong with "Phrasing"?
Ray Gillette : Nothing!
[Hawley opens the door]
Ray Gillette : I'm fine! Just get out, leave me alone!
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Lana Kane : In case you've forgotten, I have an unborn child to think about.
Sterling Archer : Jesus Christ, Lana, who can forget? It's baby this, baby that!
Lana Kane : [pinching cheek] Aw, baby Awcher, who's a jeawous baby?
Sterling Archer : What? Holy shit, do you have anemia?
Lana Kane : No, I...
Sterling Archer : Uh, edema, hypertension, pre-eclampsia, Braxton Hicks contractions, pica?
Lana Kane : I...
Sterling Archer : GERD? Lana, do you have GERD?
Lana Kane : Ahem. How do you know about the various possible complications of pregnancy?
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Sterling Archer : Welcome to Nazi Canada!