- [first lines]
- Mike J.: Hello, I'm a British person, and we're so lucky here in Britain to be celebrating the fourth annual Christmas festival. We're so thankful to the Americans and the Coca-Cola Corporation for bringing us this delight. Now gimme some presents!
- [Mike is shown the title card for A Christmas Story 2]
- Mike J.: That isn't a present! Is this serious? A Christmas Story is an American classic and is a beloved tale everybody can sit around the fire and watch together; it's filled with family values and caring and sharing and selfishness and mayhem and mild levels of racism. And it's ironic in that it may be called "A Christmas Story", but there isn't much story to it. A little boy wants a gun for Christmas. Hm, sounds like America.
- [winks]
- Mike J.: And the dad has a lamp which is shaped like a woman's leg. Fun for the whole family! But it's heartwaming and pleasant, and it doesn't really need your full attention in order for you to enjoy it. It remained a stand-alone movie for thirty years. For thirty years, there was only ONE A Christmas Story. Until now, A Christmas Story 2 was released to much confusion from festive viewers everywhere. But what has changed since the 80's? Other than EVERYTHING?
- [last lines]
- Mike J.: So that's A Christmas Story 2, and I don't know how I feel about this one. I don't love the original like a lot of people seem to, so perhaps I don't hate the sequel quite like others do as well. The first movie isn't perfect, it has a lot of heart, but there is no real story there, and the sequel is exactly the same; it doesn't overly sugarcoat reality, although this one is perhaps a little more slapstick than the first. In my opinion, if you liked the original, then you're probably gonna like this one as well. There is a lot worse out there. Which we'll be getting to shortly. But for now, I'll leave you with this.
- [shows the clip of Schwartz trying to clean perfume off of a woman he sprayed, but looking like he's fondling her]
- Mike J.: Merry Christmas!