Plot

After Coach accuses him of going soft since he started dating Jess, Nick arranges a camping trip for the gang on Thanksgiving. Winston and Cece bond over their hatred of camping.

After reading his Thanksgiving Evite from Nick, Coach has a few questions. "When your testicles fell off, did you form lady parts? Or is it kind of like a Gonzo nose down there?" Coach says.

Coach warns him about the risks of disappearing into a relationship then demands he stand up. Nick reveals he's wearing tight pink sweat pants. "It's football player pants for breast cancer awareness," Nick says. They're Jess's pants.

Later, Nick goes to Jess and suggests they go camping instead. Nick makes a pitch to Winston and Schmidt that it'll be a test of their manhood. Winston thinks drinking beer on the couch is also a good test. Schmidt agrees because he's never been.

They all arrive at their camping spot, with Schmidt sporting a fedora. Cece arrives, Jess is excited she decided to come. "What could be better than camping in the woods with my ex-boyfriend and his friend I just made out with?" Cece says. "With whom you just made out," Jess corrects.

Jess promises to get her if it gets awkward. Cece says hi to Schmidt and Coach, causing Coach to de-evolve back into his attempted cool "Wassup gurl?" attitude.

Schmidt tells Coach he just spent 12 hours on the Internet learning everything there is to know about camping, so be sure to ask him if he has any questions. In addition to his fedora, he's wearing a neckerchief and leather vest.

As Cece and Winston unpack, he notices her solar powered cell phone charger. They confess they hate camping.

In the car, Jess opens the cooler and finds it full of beer instead of the pies she made. Nick announces they're going to be hunting and foraging, but he had to bring beer because you can't forage for beer. He tries to sell his plan to the group, with an emphasis on the manliness of it.

Nick has printed out helpful wilderness guides on which plants are safe to eat. Winston announces he won't be hunting: "The only hunt I want is Bonnie or Helen."

Nick tries to clear a path through the woods and promises Coach and Schmidt that if they get injured, he will kill them fast. He's carrying a knife taped to a pole.

Schmidt goes full wilderness, trying to break tree branches to leave a trail and proudly picking up a tiny piece of poop and announcing he found scat and there's an animal nearby. Nick thinks it's a raisin, so Schmidt eats it. "That's poop for sure. I was right, so in your face, Nick," Schmidt says. "How so?" Nick says.

Nick digs a large hole and covers it with branches, explaining it's a bear trap. They'll catch the bear then take whatever food he has. Classic human-bear team-up.

Schmidt has constructed a squirrel trap, consisting of a large rock propped up by a stick. He demonstrates how it works and, as Coach is cautioning him not to crawl under the large rock, it falls on his shoulder.

Coach makes him a sling in 10 seconds out of his jacket and confesses he was an Eagle Scout. Coach didn't want to steal Schmidt's thunder because he wanted to be the best at camping and given the whole Cece thing.... Schmidt gets angry and rips the sling off.

Meanwhile, Jess tries to forage, but only manages to get scratched by brambles. Cece and Winston consult their phones and find a country store nearby.

Nick sees a fish in the lake and rejoices that they have food to eat. Winston and Coach are less thrilled because it's floating on its side -- dead. Coach realizes the whole camping thing is because he teased Nick about the Evite.

Nick dives in the lake for the fish, which is definitely dead.

Back at the camp site, Winston and the ladies rub dirt on their produce from the store to make it look foraged. Nick returns, triumphant, with his dead fish.

Jess says she got the cashews on a bush, and the beets, and the avocado. Nick reaches for the apple and sees the sticker.

Jess reminds Nick all she wanted was for them to sit down to dinner together, but Nick says he feels how the Indians did on the first Thanksgiving: betrayed. (Coach reminds him the first one was the good one.)

Nick storms off and cooks his dead fish alone. When the eyeball falls out, he says that's how you know it's done.

Back at the campsite, Schmidt is trying to prove he's the better camper by making fire out of two rocks. Coach makes an instant flame with his knife, one upping him again.

Jess tries to console Nick by telling him it's really impressive he caught a fish with his bare hands. He feels patronized. He tells her ever since they started dating they've been doing a lot of girly stuff and, while he likes most of it, his tolerance for alcohol has gotten really low. "I drank three beers and I got all giggly and tired and I didn't want a fourth. Last night I had a dream that I was brushing a horse. I just feel like I'm losing myself a little," he says.

Nick says he wants to eat his fish alone. Jess grabs it and takes out a mouthful. He tries to get her to spit it out as she says she can really taste the lake. "Jess, that fish was dead when I caught it. There was a sock near it," he confesses.

Jess wanders off, tripping on dead toxic fish. They go looking for her and Nick tells Coach he liked his Evite and it was cute as a button.

Coach recognizes where Jess is wandering and yells at her to stop too late. She falls into the deep bear pit. Nick races to save her and dives in head first.

Nick thinks he may have cracked a few ribs and Jess seems to think she's a rabbit. Above, Coach asks Schmidt if he has any ideas of how to get them out. Schmidt thinks he's humoring him.

"I admit it, you're a better camper than I am. You're better at life than I am. You're probably better at dating Cece than I am," Schmidt says.

He tells Coach he saw them making out and Coach tells him that's all they did and now Cece won't return his calls and has been ignoring him. Schmidt loves it.

Cece comes over and tells them to take their pants off to make a pants rope. Jess climbs on Nick's back as the other four pull them up. Nick celebrates his triumph when they reach the top of the pit -- and promptly falls back in.

At the hospital, Jess wakes up and Nick tells her the good news: she doesn't have rabies. But he does have giardia and Legionnaire's disease.

Nick apologizes for the terrible camping idea. She assures him he's the man she wants.

Everyone else waits in the waiting room. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, Schmidt offers Coach some Cece advice. He needs it. "I told her she looked pretty, she said 'thanks.' What kind of mind game is that?" Coach wonders. Schmidt assures him Cece always plays hard to get.

Nick comes out with an idea.

Everyone goes in to Jess's room with food from the vending machines and turkeys drawn on inflated surgical gloves. It's 11:58, still Thanksgiving. She thinks it'll be a few weeks before she can eat again, but takes the ginger ale. They all get their Thanksgiving meal together.