- Zach Cropper: [on Australia] Simon, God knows, if you're hating on something, we want to be right there with you, okay, but they gave us Naomi Watts.
- Simon Roberts: Yeah, but they also gave us The Wiggles, which is only enjoyable if you're high. And what kind of message is that for kids?
- Simon Roberts: I'm ready to pitch them the truth. "Australia: it's so hot not even the Nazis wanted it".
- Sydney Roberts: Well, I don't have to pee anymore.
- Lauren Slotsky: I always wonder where it goes when that happens.
- Simon Roberts: I've only been to Australia once but it was a doozy. It was my last big bender, when I really hit bottom. I don't remember much. It started off as a drink-about with these rugby players, next thing you know, I woke up in a Speedo on a beach in Perth, being pulled into the bush by an Eastern gray kangaroo. An aboriginal woman fought him off and then I was with her for a while, and... There's more but I don't want to bore you.
- Andrew Keanelly: We're not bored!
- Sydney Roberts: Why doesn't he know that ignoring is the international sign for stop calling?
- Lauren Slotsky: But to a stalker, ignoring is a kind of foreplay. Like the smell of the leaves outside his bathroom window. Or the feel of his T-shirt you stole from his laundry room. Or the... Wait, I'm sensing your question was rhetorical, sorry.
- Simon Roberts: They want us to lower our standards!
- Sydney Roberts: I once caught you drinking my nail polish remover.
- Simon Roberts: I remember.
- Sydney Roberts: I may have been a little rude to him.
- Lauren Slotsky: It was the ugliest thing I've ever seen. And I spent a summer interning with Japanese whalers.
- Simon Roberts: That's horrible.
- Lauren Slotsky: Tell me about it, none of the credits transferred.
- Simon Roberts: That's a good idea. You go there, you bump into him.
- Sydney Roberts: You want me to go crawling back to my obsessed stalker, whom I just left in tears after telling him to get out of my life forever, and ask him to sell us his song?
- Simon Roberts: That's a better idea. What I was thinking was way more demeaning.
- Sydney Roberts: I really wanna apologize for what I said. You know, sometimes my emotions get the best of me...
- Simon Roberts: It's because of how she was raised.
- Sydney Roberts: Dad!
- Simon Roberts: I take full responsibility. I married a real bitch who set a poor example.
- Sydney Roberts: Wait, what did we agree to?
- Simon Roberts: Well, Danny will give us the song for a reasonable price in exchange for you occasionally blowing him off.
- Zach Cropper: Off. Whoo! I thought that was going in another direction.