Plot

Jess throws a Halloween Party, but Cece won't attend if Schmidt is there. In an effort to change Schmidt's sullen behavior, Jess, Nick and Winston resort to pretending to be his childhood idol, Michael Keaton.

Jess, Nick and Winston have a secret meeting in the empty apartment to talk about Schmidt. Nick thinks it's haunted because a tenant died on the toilet.

Jess doesn't want mopey Schmidt to ruin her party by sitting on the couch and wiping his tears with cold cuts.

Back in the loft, Schmidt is eating cold cuts and yelling at the TV about nothing mattering. Schmidt stuffs meat into his mouth then finishes it off with a healthy squirt of mayo right from the bottle.

As Winston carves his pumpkin, Schmidt kicks its face in. Jess tries to uninvite him to her party without actually unviting him, but he promises to be there.

Winston tells Nick it's time for Schmidt to get a letter from an old friend. Nick hates the idea, but he tells Jess the story.

When Schmidt was seven, his parents divorced and took to bed with tears and chocolate. To cheer him up, his mother wrote him a letter from his hero, Michael Keaton at Batman.

But Schmidt wrote back and continued writing about every problem he had, from bullies to public erections. His mom continued replying as Michael Keaton.

When he went to college, Schmidt's mom told Nick the secret and when Schmidt reverted to old patterns of crying and cold cut eating, Nick emailed him as Michael Keaton and it worked again.

Jess wants to use Keaton again, but Nick refuses, saying the letters are too powerful. "I'm lying to my best friend and I also feel like I'm betraying the real Keaton, who I really love," Nick says.

When Nick and Winston leave, Jess contemplates the laptop.

Jess goes to check on Cece and finds her a disheveled mess on her couch. She says she can't make it to the party because she's been going out drinking a lot and it's really taking a lot out of her. Jess promises that Schmidt won't be there.

Back at the loft, Schmidt announces he's reconsidered and he won't be coming to Jess' party -- he recently heard from an old friend.

He tells her about Michael Keaton and she acts surprised.

When Schmidt leaves to begin catching up on his Keaton correspondence, Nick questions Jess, worried what will happen if Schmidt finds out it's all a lie.

He almost did once.

Flash back to Schmidt comparing Keaton letters in college and finding a discrepancy -- saying he'd never been to Nicaragua. Nick covered by knocking Schmidt out with a text book.

Back in the loft, Schmidt starts freaking out debating if it's too soon to email Keaton back. Jess "solves" it by emailing again as Keaton, saying he's going on vacation. Feeling abandoned, the news sends Schmidt to bed eating a block of cheese.

In the empty apartment, Nick goes back into Keaton mode, slipping on his Batman mask made of black tape. He has a picture of a bear for inspiration because: "The great Michael Keaton acts each new role with the ferocity of a hungry brown bear. It's his entire acting philosophy, which I totally made up."

Nick emails something inspirational to Schmidt and gets a smiley face in return.

In the loft, Schmidt answers the door for trick or treaters, while emailing Keaton. With the loft door open, he hears the telltale chime of a message received from down the hall. He continues emailing and following the noise. He sees Nick, Winston and Jess huddled around a keyboard.

Later at the party, Jess is dressed as Joey Ramon-a Quimby. Nick is wearing trash from his car. Winston is dressed as David Letterman.

Schmidt is there, dressed as a public serpent. (Lizard in a tie with a briefcase.)

They worry that Schmidt is close to figuring it out.

Nick and Jess return to the empty apartment to email and continue the ruse, but Schmidt listens from outside the door. When a trick or treater knocks wearing a batman costume, Jess asks for it.

She emails him to meet outside his building in 30 minutes. Nick questions her endgame.

Down on the sidewalk, Jess does a really atrocious Keaton impression. Schmidt comes down and plays along for a while like he believes it's Keaton, but then says he knows.

"You should be ashamed of yourselves! How dare you hack into the email account of one of our nation's finest actors!" Schmidt says.

Nick confesses to the whole thing. "I'm the owner of Keatonpotatoes@aol.com." He tells Schmidt that his mom started it.

"You're going to tell me that my mom helped me with my public erections? I drew pictures!" Schmidt says.

Schmidt's taking it all in when Cece shows up with Winston. Schmidt turns to leave, but knocks over a trick or treater. The kids all gang up on him and whack him to the ground with their bags of candy as Cece watches.

Up in the loft, Cece tells Jess that seeing Schmidt helped her get some closure. "Great, so let's fire up the Batman Mobile, go to a taco stand and eat some feelings," Jess says.

Cece tries to help her with "Batman" versus "Batman Mobile."

Down on the street, Schmidt processes the Keaton revelation.

"You don't need Keaton, you've got me," Nick says. They both recoil at the Afterschool Special moment.

The next day, Schmidt tells the loft that he's moving out, he already has the place lined up.

"You can't move out, who's going to do my face?" Winston asks.

Schmidt packs the douchebag jar in his box with his suitcase and walks out. He pauses in front of the elevator, then keeps walking into the apartment across the hall.