- Ryan Stiles: [in "Hollywood Director", the current style is used car salesmen]
- [after Colin yells cut]
- Ryan Stiles: I've never bought a used car before, I don't really...
- Colin Mochrie: Have you done ANYTHING? Do you have ANY life experience?
- Ryan Stiles: I just got out of the joint!
- Colin Mochrie: All right, then you'll be great with this one: Do it like pro wrestlers.
- Jonathan Mangum: [in "Hollywood Director", the current style is pro wrestlers]
- [getting up after Ryan was lying on top of him]
- Jonathan Mangum: I felt the light saber on that one.
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Hollywood Director", set in a "Star Wars" scene] Cut cut cut cut cut.
- Ryan Stiles: I'm not sure of the characters, I've never seen the movie.
- Colin Mochrie: No kidding.
- Ryan Stiles: Is it popular?
- [Wayne and Jonathan waver their hands]
- Ryan Stiles: It IS popular?
- Colin Mochrie: I believe it was Shakespeare who said, "Shall I compare thee to a morning dump? Yes."
- [pointing to the three]
- Colin Mochrie: Crap, crap, crap!
- Colin Mochrie: [in "What's in the Bag"]
- [shaking a bag of peanuts]
- Colin Mochrie: It's an ancient custom to wave your nuts at a sick alien.
- Aisha Tyler: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "If dogs went to therapy."
- Wayne Brady: Yeah, doc, he treats me like crap because he's jealous because he can't do it.
- Jonathan Mangum: You wanna know about my mother? That bitch.
- Ryan Stiles: I sniff your ass, and you're charging ME a thousand dollars?
- Colin Mochrie: I'm a talking dog. I got it pretty good.
- Jonathan Mangum: You want me to lie on the couch?
- [flailing excitedly]
- Jonathan Mangum: I can get on the couch?