Granted this is a children's movie, but it has got to be one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Dean Cain plays an absolute bumbling fool without a shred of humor. It was a challenge just to watch it until the end. The commercial breaks were a relief.
9 Reviews
Quite Simply, One of The Worst Things I've Ever Witnessed
JediMasterGandalf16 December 2016
My Momma told me that if I don't have anything nice to say about someone, then don't say anything. Fortunately, this abomination is not a someone but a something so I feel free to speak my mind.
There is nothing about this movie that was remotely enjoyable. Even the dogs, and I love dogs, were not cute or engaging or entertaining. Only obnoxious. The voice characterizations were an embarrassment and the plot and script were beyond ridiculous, even given that it was a movie about talking dogs. The hour and a half running time felt like at least twice that. I could not wait for this piece of drivel, or my life, to come to a merciful end.
There is nothing about this movie that was remotely enjoyable. Even the dogs, and I love dogs, were not cute or engaging or entertaining. Only obnoxious. The voice characterizations were an embarrassment and the plot and script were beyond ridiculous, even given that it was a movie about talking dogs. The hour and a half running time felt like at least twice that. I could not wait for this piece of drivel, or my life, to come to a merciful end.
A great example of underestimating the intelligence of your audience
Sotalo14 December 2014
My mother picked out this movie because she liked dogs. I like dogs too, in great films like Up, but not in this. I watched it because she complained I don't watch the shows she likes to watch, and she continually refuses to watch anything with animation: Avatar: The Last Airbender being the most recent example. So I watched it. And this is my honest review.
There were a few moments when this film was actually bearable, but they never amounted to anything. This piece of trash keeps coming up with new ways to insult your intelligence: from repeating the same phrases over and over again, to overacting and having no trust in its audience to understand anything without verbalizing every single action. The annoying voice acting makes the film a drag to listen to, from the dog catcher shrieking every chance he gets to the main trio of a redneck, a valley girl, and a deluded dreamer with an indistinguishable accent, surely watching and/or listening to this film must classify as some form of torture. Throughout this film you'll find everything from terrible budget effects to hordes of plot clichés, farting jokes, and breaking character. Nobody in this film really knows their lines, and all their lines are terrible. Characters are 2-dimensional, from the stereotypes used in the dog characters to the human actors, nobody seems to do anything with any real tangible meaning. So the irony is, not only are the characters devoid of depth, but they also break character and sense very frequently.
After the credits rolled, you'd exhale knowing the film is finally over, only for the actors to come back and continue the torment for another few minutes as they stumble through lines, repeat phrases over and over again, overact, and repeat plot clichés again.
So the good news is, after this fiasco, I now have the upper hand the next time we pick out a movie. And for film buffs everywhere, if you know someone who is theatrically illiterate, hope that they choose to sit through a movie as bad as this one. Even my mother knew this movie was garbage after the first two minutes, and she only watched out of obligation of purchasing it. So, no, this movie is not acceptable for family entertainment, and it's far more annoying and insulting to its viewer than it is entertaining. This is by far the worst movie I have ever seen in my life.
Also, it is sad that legitimately good movies featuring dogs are so few in number. I hope those who make movies featuring dogs are actually making them for dog owners and not just to cash in solely on the appeal of the pets. Same for Christmas movies. This film is a double-whammy of cashing in on dogs and Christmas, with very little reason to do so. Avoid the bottom of the barrel unless you are proving a point to someone else. Maybe if we stop buying movies of such poor quality and cash-in, we'd get movies with dogs during Christmas that aren't so terrible.
There were a few moments when this film was actually bearable, but they never amounted to anything. This piece of trash keeps coming up with new ways to insult your intelligence: from repeating the same phrases over and over again, to overacting and having no trust in its audience to understand anything without verbalizing every single action. The annoying voice acting makes the film a drag to listen to, from the dog catcher shrieking every chance he gets to the main trio of a redneck, a valley girl, and a deluded dreamer with an indistinguishable accent, surely watching and/or listening to this film must classify as some form of torture. Throughout this film you'll find everything from terrible budget effects to hordes of plot clichés, farting jokes, and breaking character. Nobody in this film really knows their lines, and all their lines are terrible. Characters are 2-dimensional, from the stereotypes used in the dog characters to the human actors, nobody seems to do anything with any real tangible meaning. So the irony is, not only are the characters devoid of depth, but they also break character and sense very frequently.
After the credits rolled, you'd exhale knowing the film is finally over, only for the actors to come back and continue the torment for another few minutes as they stumble through lines, repeat phrases over and over again, overact, and repeat plot clichés again.
So the good news is, after this fiasco, I now have the upper hand the next time we pick out a movie. And for film buffs everywhere, if you know someone who is theatrically illiterate, hope that they choose to sit through a movie as bad as this one. Even my mother knew this movie was garbage after the first two minutes, and she only watched out of obligation of purchasing it. So, no, this movie is not acceptable for family entertainment, and it's far more annoying and insulting to its viewer than it is entertaining. This is by far the worst movie I have ever seen in my life.
Also, it is sad that legitimately good movies featuring dogs are so few in number. I hope those who make movies featuring dogs are actually making them for dog owners and not just to cash in solely on the appeal of the pets. Same for Christmas movies. This film is a double-whammy of cashing in on dogs and Christmas, with very little reason to do so. Avoid the bottom of the barrel unless you are proving a point to someone else. Maybe if we stop buying movies of such poor quality and cash-in, we'd get movies with dogs during Christmas that aren't so terrible.
Merry S***mas!
ckelly-3576323 February 2018
Ok then, the Three Dogateers. Honestly I have no idea what to say. This movie is about three dogs who are named after the Three Muskateers and are called the "Three Dogateers." When the king and queen are away the dogateers' presents are stolen so the dogatters must get their presents and avoid and evil dog catcher doing a painfully bad Danny Trejo impression with the help of Santa. The animation on the dog's mouths is godawful, the script is terrible, and the film even manages to waste the talent of Dean Cain and Richard Riehle (Sam from Office Space). Overall this film makes the Air Buddies films look like Citizen Kane and I do not recommend to anyone for any reason.
Harmless entertainment for children
kaiserkong22 February 2016
This is not a film for an adult who lives with Mother. It's a kid flick. Get it? A film intended for little kiddies who love doggies and Christmas. Is it silly? Yes. Dumb? Nah. I mean it's a movie for sweet kiddies, so I am sure no harm will come. C'mon, chill out and relax; if you know a hawk from a handsaw then you should know from the title itself that this is to be shown to children, and that what PARENTS should be watching is not the "film" but their children's reactions to it: They giggle and smile. Good enough for me. I thought the Barney Gloat character went overboard on occasions, but not a big deal. Eat popcorn and let the kiddies enjoy some pointless relaxation.
The Worst Animated Movie I've ever watched.
gameraidsrignal24 December 2017
Not for adults.. kids only
riteshshergill19 November 2014
Warning: Spoilers
First off if you are an Adult stay away from this movie. It tries to cash in on the Christmas magic and the fact that dogs are adorable but other than that it is very badly directed and there is too much overacting. You might chuckle once or twice but otherwise the jokes are terrible and a lot of the jokes are puns intended. Story is pretty straightforward, man has to rush off on a job 2 days before Christmas and in his haste he leaves behind his 3 dogs. One of the dogs believes that he is the leader of the pack and calls himself Arfimas and speaks in a terrible Spanish accent that really gets on the nerves. The other 2 dogs are called Barkos and Wagos. Burglars break into the house and steal only the Christmas presents and the dogs decide to rescue Christmas. Then Shenanigans, dogs drive a car, dogs run into Santa, dogs are chased by a dog catcher who overacts and hams and finally they make it back home with the presents with a little help from Santa unbeknownst to their owners. Terrible movie if you are an adult but great for kids below the age of five to seven years.
Cute and dumb
mrjeremyallen21 December 2019
This movie is 100% stupid, but I was thoroughly entertained. Maybe it's because I love dogs and dumb humor, I dunno. It has some eye rolling humor along with some minor toilet humor, which had me busting up. I also had a few beers before watching so maybe that helps!
Spoof Adventure at the Holidays
ReignDeer75 December 2023
Three Dogateers makes Christmas movies list every year. The endeering spoof of Arfus, Barkus, and Wagos protecting "The King" and "Castle" is hysterical. For anyone who has ever lived with a dog, getting to see into their thoughts is funny. Who would think that 3 pampered mutts could combat 2 thieves and a devious dog catcher? And we get to see a sensitive common guy become Santa, bringing goodness to the world. Gotta love it!
Arfus is the brave knight who thinks valiant thoughts and encourages the best in others. Barkus is all normal dog who thinks of his stomach and supports his pack. Wagos is the prima donna purebred who, when it counts, does that brassy thing needed.
Recognize that this is a B-Grade Holiday Spoof and Home Alone fans, Three Musketeer fans, Santa fans, and dog lovers will not be disappointed.
Arfus is the brave knight who thinks valiant thoughts and encourages the best in others. Barkus is all normal dog who thinks of his stomach and supports his pack. Wagos is the prima donna purebred who, when it counts, does that brassy thing needed.
Recognize that this is a B-Grade Holiday Spoof and Home Alone fans, Three Musketeer fans, Santa fans, and dog lovers will not be disappointed.
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