Hot in Cleveland (TV Series)

The Fixer (2013)

Betty White: Elka Ostrovsky

Quotes 

• [last lines] 

  Professor Zucker : Only one person did a film worthy of an A. In a clever homage to the Godzilla films of the 1950s which warned of the horrors of the atomic age, this filmmaker also used frightening imagery to provoke thought. I give you... Elka Ostrovsky's 'Man Hands'.

  Joy Scroggs : Wait. What?

  Elka Ostrovsky : [narrating film]  I was married to the mob. I lived through the horrors of war, but I have never seen anything as terrifying as *man hands*. Man hands.

  Elka Ostrovsky : [to Joy]  I wanted the A.

• Joy Scroggs : That was beautiful, Elka. My film's got everything those Oscar winners have: craggy-looking old people talking about Nazis. I'm a shoo-in to get that A.

  Elka Ostrovsky : Not so fast. I want to interview you for my film.

  Joy Scroggs : Really. But my story can't possibly be as interesting as yours.

  Elka Ostrovsky : Oh, don't put yourself down, Joy. That's my job.

• Melanie Moretti : Hey! Guys! Guess what? I have a date with my gynecologist.

  Elka Ostrovsky : They're called appointments, dear.

  Joy Scroggs : We've all been there, Melanie. So desperate for a man's touch you make an appointment you don't even need.

  Melanie Moretti : No, I've never done that.

  Joy Scroggs : Nor have I.

• [first lines] 

  Joy Scroggs : Sorry I'm late; what'd I miss?

  Victoria Chase : Oh, we were just telling sad, bloated Melanie that Alec was right to break up with her.

  Joy Scroggs : What! That's a horrible thing to say. You're going to make her cry.

  Elka Ostrovsky : That's the plan.

  Melanie Moretti : I haven't been able to cry since Alec and I broke up, and I feel like it's all bottled up inside me. If I could just get one good cry, maybe I could get over him.

  Joy Scroggs : Got it. Has anyone mentioned that he's probably banging some hot twenty-something already?

  Elka Ostrovsky : I said twins.

  Joy Scroggs : Well, the movie's in ten minutes. Everyone says you can't watch 'The Diary' without bursting into tears.

  Victoria Chase : Oh, yes! 'The Diary' is the movie 'The Notebook' goes to see when it wants to feel sad.

  Joy Scroggs : After all the artsy-fartsy cinema Elka and I have had to sit through in our Theory of Film class, we could use a little mindless entertainment. No sub-titles, no moral ambiguity, no chess games with death.

  Elka Ostrovsky : And only good-looking people get naked.

  Melanie Moretti : Look, you guys, I'm really not up for a movie. You go. I'm going to stay here and finish my wine. I'll pay the cheque.

  Joy Scroggs : Oh, honey, are you sure?

  Melanie Moretti : Ah, don't try to be nice; it only makes it harder.

  Victoria Chase : Well, bye, Mel; sorry you're so hideous.

  Joy Scroggs : And unlovable.

  Elka Ostrovsky : Have fun dying alone.

  Melanie Moretti : Nothing.

• Melanie Moretti : Maybe this is just what I need to get over Alec.

  Elka Ostrovsky : You know the old saying.

  Melanie Moretti : When God closes a door, he opens a window?

  Elka Ostrovsky : No. The best way to get over a man is to get under another one.