- Leo Dooley: Where did you get fifty gallons of expired milk?
- Adam Davenport: Oh, it doesn't come that way. You have to buy fifty gallons of milk and wait.
- Donald Davenport: What happened in here? And why does my lab smell like a locker room at a gym that only cows go to?
- Donald Davenport: Look, don't tell Tasha I told you this, but the only way you're gonna get them to stop is to fight fire with fire. You have to prank them, and you have to prank them HARD.
- Bree Davenport: Do you really think that'll work?
- Donald Davenport: Oh, definitely, although I would act fast, because I know for a fact that Adam has a barrel full of expired meat that he's dying to use.
- Leo Dooley: [watching a romantic movie at home with Janelle] So Janelle, you know what today is?
- Janelle: No, but please stop the best part of the movie and tell me.
- Leo Dooley: It's our anniversary! Yeah!
- [throws a handful of confetti into the air and toots a horn]
- Janelle: Oh!
- Leo Dooley: It's been a hundred fifty days since you first spoke to me. I believe the words were "This isn't the men's room."
- Janelle: The next thing I said was, "No, seriously, get out."
- Bree Davenport: I hate you guys, but I am so gonna get you back.
- Chase Davenport: Oh, please, by all means keep trying. You failure is adorable.
- Bree Davenport: Well, yeah, it's just not in my nature to be stupid and immature.
- Donald Davenport: Well, good thing it's in mine.
- Donald Davenport: Hey, Leo. Where's your grandmother. She wants me to attach a sidecar to her scooter, and yes it's for you.
- Leo Dooley: Wait, she isn't back yet? I programmed the GPS on her scooter to bring her back hours ago.
- Donald Davenport: You WHAT? Ah, who am I kidding. I'd have ditched her too. Um, okay, let me track her.
- [types a keystroke and a GPS appears on the screen. According to it, Grandma Rose is in Nebraska]
- Donald Davenport: You did set "Home" to our address in Mission Creek, right?
- Leo Dooley: Yeah.
- Donald Davenport: Well, you only made one mistake: she's on her way to Mission Creek, ILLINOIS!
- Grandma Rose: Do you know how many flies I got in my dentures?
- Donald Davenport: Well, maybe if you kept your mouth closed once in a while...
- Adam Davenport: I'm pranking Chase for April Fools.
- Leo Dooley: It's November.
- Adam Davenport: Yeah, exactly. April's when people expect to be pranked, but if I do it today - whammo! - it's like a... baby with a mustache. You don't see it coming.