The Angry Video Game Nerd (TV Series)

Ikari Warriors (2013)

James Rolfe: The Angry Video Game Nerd

Photos 

Quotes 

• The Guitar Guy : Just kill me.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : I'm trying.

  The Guitar Guy : No, kill me for real.

• The Guitar Guy : [having just been brought back to life]  Aw, I guess somebody needs a favor.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Yeah, I need your help. To beat a game.

  The Guitar Guy : Let me, let me guess, a shitty game.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Yeah, a shitty game: Ikari Warriors.

  The Guitar Guy : Yeah, I know that game.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Oh, yeah?

  The Guitar Guy : Yeah, I know what you could do with that game, too.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Uh huh?

  The Guitar Guy : Yeah, yeah. You take the game, and you take your ass cheeks as well, and you just open them up really wide, grease up the game and just take it and shove it up your ass. I'm not helping you.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : OK, Ikari Warriors! You know what 'ikari' means?

  The Guitar Guy : What?

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Anger. Yeah, in Japan, and, uh, it depends on, uh...

  The Guitar Guy : Do you know what 'warrior' means?

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Warrior? No.

  The Guitar Guy : Brave soldier or fighter.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Aw, I'm stuck! What's holding me back? Oh, I get it. It's the green pipes. You can't walk through 'em. But you can walk over the yellow pipes, and the yellow pipes seems to be above the green pipes, so, the layout just doesn't make any sense.

  The Guitar Guy : That's because Mario goes through the green pipes.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Ah, so-so Mario's goin' through there. Yeah? Well then, who goes through the yellow pipes? Luigi?

  The Guitar Guy : Don't be stupid, shit goes through there.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Wanna get some beer?

  The Guitar Guy : Not particularly.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Well, if you drive, I'll drink.

  The Guitar Guy : I'm sure you will.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : [They're in the car, driving down the road]  Oh shit, we forgot to get gas.

  The Guitar Guy : It's on empty! What should we do?

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Get out of the car! Go, go, go!

  [Kyle and James run away from the car as it bursts into flames] 

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Even the bad guys hover inside the walls. Anything goes with this game. And look at these guys - hiding inside barrels of flammable liquid. If you're in a gun war, would you hide inside a barrel of flammable liquid?

  The Guitar Guy : [singing]  Better than hiding behind...

  [speaking] 

  The Guitar Guy : A fuckin' couch for all these goddamn years!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : I guess I gonna have to go through the doorway?

  The Guitar Guy : [singing]  Sounds pretty normal, if you ask me.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Yeah, that's real fair.

  The Guitar Guy : [singing]  It's not fair at all.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : If you get the helicopter you'll be lucky if you can keep it for 2 seconds.

  The Guitar Guy : [singing]  That's a really bad rental.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : The enemies explode now, by the way.

  The Guitar Guy : [singing; in Cajun accent]  Spontaneous combustion.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : A hidden bomb under the doorway, that's real fair.

  The Guitar Guy : [singing]  That kinda sucks.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Also, they run over the islands like it's nothing, but if I try to do that: look how slow I am! And if you go under a doorway, you can count on there being a bomb there! That's real fair! Look at this: I'm gonna go through the doorway. How much you wanna bet there's gonna be a bomb there? Here it comes, here it comes, BOOM! See?

  The Guitar Guy : [singing]  Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb.

• The Guitar Guy : So, who is this guy, Rambo?

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Well, if he's Rambo, then who's the other guy?

  The Guitar Guy : Arnold Schwarzenegger?

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Which movie?

  The Guitar Guy : Commando.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : That'll be a fuckin' awesome movie! John Matrix and John Rambo, together at last. Of course, it'll be Rambo and Commando. Say that three times fast.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd , The Guitar Guy : Rambo Commando, Rambo Commando, Rambo Commando.

• The Guitar Guy : You never play my theme song anymore.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Yeah, the theme song. I just thought people were getting tired of that.

  The Guitar Guy : Ya thought wrong.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Yeah,

  [turns toward the camera] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : I know.