Community (TV Series)
Alternative History of the German Invasion (2013)
Joel McHale: Jeff Winger
Photos
Quotes
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Reinhold : Don't worry. If there is one thing Germans don't do, it's hold a grudge.
Abed Nadir : Unless we're talking about Die Hard 3.
Jeff Winger : Or the 20th century.
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Jeff Winger : I really am Hitler.
Shirley Bennett : Yeah.
Pierce Hawthorne : So it's just decided? No vote or anything.
Troy Barnes : I hate this. I wish there was a way that we could make it up to people.
Jeff Winger : That's it! We need to make reparations. We have to start giving back, because Greendale has given us so much. It gave us the study room. And that study room is our home. But our home is more than those four walls. And our family is more than the seven of us. It's all of Greendale. And everyone deserves to have what we have.
[after they finished the study room makeovers]
Jeff Winger : What do you know? Greendale just got slightly better.
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Annie Edison : Jeff, it's just a little table in the corner of the room. Why don't we just let them have it?
Jeff Winger : Because that's called appeasement. And everyone knows if you give the Germans something small, like the study room or Austria, they end up wanting something big, like Earth.
Pierce Hawthorne : Jeff's right. If there were more people in the world like Annie, we'd all be speaking Vietnamese right now.
[Annie gasps in shock]
Pierce Hawthorne : That was my war. I had flashbacks for years.
Shirley Bennett : Pierce, you moved to Canada.
Pierce Hawthorne : And it was hell. Those people call ham "bacon".
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Jeff Winger : Many years ago, before the concept of "too soon" existed, there was a show about a bunch of goofy Nazis running a prison camp. And that show was called...
Abed Nadir : Hogan's Heroes?
Jeff Winger : Hogan's Heroes. And while, for a latchkey kid with no jewish friends, it was a bit desensitizing, it still taught me that the lovable misfits always win. And the bumbling Germans always lose. All we need is a clever ruse. Strike that. All we need is a ruse.
Abed Nadir : You had me at "ruse."
Jeff Winger : That was the last thing I said.
Abed Nadir : Good thing you said it.
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Jeff Winger : Uh, guys? This is our study room. Please leave, and take that mushroom cloud of drakkar with you.
Karl : Why must he hurt so with his vords? He's like a less funny Hans Rickles.
Jeff Winger : I'm not here to argue, Anglojerkels. Beat it!
Troy Barnes : Ohhh! Someone must have changed the channel to USA, 'cause I just watched a burn notice... Who's Angela Jerkels?
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Jeff Winger : Quick impression.
[Pretends to baby cry]
Jeff Winger : "Wah." Who am I? You guys.
Pierce Hawthorne : Ha! Dead on.
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Security Guard : There a problem here?
Jeff Winger : Yeah, there's a problem. These dussle-dorks won't leave our study room.
Troy Barnes : Nice!
[quietly to Annie]
Troy Barnes : I don't understand any of these puns. I think I need to learn history.
Security Guard : Do you have a sign-in sheet?
Jeff Winger : You're asking for our papers?
[security nods in response]
Jeff Winger : I thought this was America, not Arizona.
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Dean Pelton : Greendale's a forgiving place.
Annie Edison : It really is.
Dean Pelton : Please keep that in mind the next 20 seconds. Remember that people can "Chang".
Jeff Winger : [This phrasing causes concern] People can what?
Ben Chang : [Enters] Hi, I'm Kevin.
Jeff Winger , Annie Edison , Abed Nadir , Shirley Bennett , Britta Perry , Troy Barnes , Pierce Hawthorne : [All screaming] AHHHHHH!
Dean Pelton : He has Changnesia.
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Britta Perry : Hate to say it, but this is what happens when a group of people blindly follows a charismatic, golden-throated leader.
Jeff Winger : Are you actually comparing me to Hitler?
[Abed, Troy and Britta all speak at once]
Britta Perry : Just a little.
Troy Barnes : Yeah...
Abed Nadir : There are similarities.
Pierce Hawthorne : Hang on. Nobody's even willing to consider that I might be the Hitler of this group?
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Professor Cornwallis : [enters lunch room where study group is sitting at a booth] Ah! There you people are. I believe we have something to discuss.
Jeff Winger : Oh, my God. You clever British bastard. You set this whole thing up to teach us a lesson.
Professor Cornwallis : What?
Jeff Winger : Making the school pretend to hate us, to show us that one man's hero is another man's villain. Of course! We aren't Nazis.
[group laughter]
Jeff Winger : I tip my cap to you, sir. Lesson learned.
Professor Cornwallis : Are you actually suggesting that a Professor at Greendale would set up an elaborate ruse just to teach seven students a lesson?
Jeff Winger , Annie Edison , Troy Barnes , Abed Nadir , Shirley Bennett , Britta Perry , Pierce Hawthorne : [overlapping acknowledgement] Uh, yes. Yeah. Yes. That's a Wednesday.
Professor Cornwallis : Oh, my God. I've made a terrible mistake coming here.
Annie Edison : So this wasn't part of the class? Then why are you here?
Professor Cornwallis : Because you had a test today, and you all missed it! *Fs* for everyone!
Shirley Bennett : Oh.
Professor Cornwallis : Maybe it's not too late to get out of my contract.
[exits]