- Unable to pay her share of rent and utilities, the guys tell Jess to get a job. She is experiencing her monthly period and is an emotional mess. Nick meets a silent guy who shows him how to be peaceful. Cece wants to go back with Schmidt.
- Schmidt calculates the utility bills. Jess tries to pay with a fortune from a cookie. Schmidt says they can't keep covering for her.
She asks to borrow money from Winston. "I wish I could but I'm a single man now, so basically I have to trick women in to thinking that I can buy them stuff," he says.
Nick pays his share, excited that he's not the poorest any more. Schmidt tells Jess he's shutting off the gas bill until she can pay it. The guys protest and suggest she get a job. She has a lot of choices to make about her resume, like spacing and font size.
When they start to yell at her, she pleads PMS.
"I feel like I want to murder someone, and also I want soft pretzels," she says.
She gets up and starts yelling at them, threatening to kick them right in the junk if they cross her. Nick objects, saying it's not fair that women have one week a month where they get to act irrationally angry. She points out he's like that every day.
Cut to him getting angry when he pushes a door that says pull and screaming he hates doors.
Nick tries to deal with the idea he might have anger issues. He takes a walk.
He's sitting on a park bench when an old Asian man sits down too close to him. He tries to yell at him, but he's unnerved by the man's beatific smile. He goes from yelling to oversharing. He likes the man's blue hat, asks him whether he'd like to be covered in fish scales or feathers and offers to show how high he can jump.
He realizes the man doesn't understand a word he's saying as he comes to the conclusion he has an anger problem.
At drinks with Cece and Robbie, Schmidt tells them about a woman at work, Emma, the VP of North American something or other. Cut to him meeting her in the break room and Emma (Carla Gugino), biting his ear.
Robbie suggests Schmidt needs a nice girl, like Cece. She's disturbed he thinks she's nice.
At the loft, Schmidt cancels the gas to prove a point. Winston asks if he can confess something, then says he thinks he's getting his period, "sympathy PMS."
Jess comes out in her bathrobe, yelling over there being no hot water. Nick comes in all cheery and smiley. Schmidt tests the idea that nothing will upset Nick and shares Winston's sympathy PMS. "No! PMS is mine! Stop stealing my stuff, Winston!" Jess shouts.
"No part of this conversation is making me want to blow over with rage," Nick says, then washes his hand and finds out about the lack of hot water. When Jess protests that it feels like a fat man is sitting on her uterus and Winston relates, Nick screams and leaves.
At work, Schmidt reports to Emma, who tests his reflexes by throwing a shoe at him. She has a contract for him to sign.
"After we do what we do, you're going to want to talk and I can't allow that. The less risk I incur, the more I can focus on creating a viable sexual experience for both of us. You're going to want to sign it," she says.
It includes warning about lead paint and mercury exposure. She gives him til the end of the week to sign it.
Nick meets up with his "magical best friend" again in the park. He starts guessing names and settles on "Tram" when the man smiles. He complains about his roommates and then admits he likes them. He asks Tram to show him the way to become him. Tram leads him away.
Jess waits for her interview. It's going well when she mentions "To Kill a Mockingbird" and the woman's dog is named "Boo" after "Boo Radley." Jess breaks down in tears when she sees a picture of it in a teacup.
Cece comes to the loft, angry that Robbie thinks she's nice. She worries he'll run when she finds out she's not nice. Schmidt assures her he doesn't think she's nice and he won't run.
She wonders if maybe she's not made for a functional relationship. She kisses him, then stops. She doesn't want to hurt Robbie, maybe she is nice.
She leaves and Schmidt contemplates Emma's contract.
Tram takes Nick to an underground pool. Tram encourages him to strip to his underwear and get in the water.
Cut to Tram holding Nick. "Why are you cradling me like a baby, friend? This is not how guys of my generation hang out. This is a moment that got away from me, my man," Nick says as a woman plays soothing wooden flute in the corner.
Tram turns Nick so he's holding him by both arms, letting him float. "You are a huge baby," Tram says soothingly.
Back at the loft, Jess and Winston are hanging out like girlfriends. He's eating red vines and using a hot water bottle. He took a sick day and painted a water color of mountains. He thinks he might get this every month because Jess is the alpha.
Nick comes home, all glowy and fuzzy. He offers her a sanitary napkin or whatever she might need, then offers 30 seconds of direct eye contact. She tells him she bombed on her interview.
Cut to them in the pool, Nick trying to recreate his experience, but failing. He holds Jess in a stranglehold and flops her around until she bails. He tells her it's not PMS, she's doubting herself, but she has to pick herself back up.
Jess goes back for another interview.
Schmidt brings his signed contract to Emma. She takes out ropes to bind his hands, but fumbles them. He laughs, asking if it's her first time. Then realizes it is. She reminds him she's legally prohibited from rejecting her and commands him to take off his pants. He complies.
Back at the loft, Schmidt leads the celebration of Jess getting a job. She's teaching creative writing to adults. He cranks on the faucet. "There's going to be hot water in six to ten minutes, fools!" They start jumping to "Jump Around" but find Winston in bed. "I don't really have PMS," he says. "I know, you're a man," Nick says. Winston confesses it's all about Shelby.
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