- Brick Heck: Don't forget I have Social Skills after school. We're working on planning ahead. I was supposed to tell you two weeks ago.
- Frankie Heck: You think I'm just gonna walk out of here? That I'm just gonna quit because you told me to? Well, let me tell you something about myself - I... am a quitter. A lifelong quitter. Girl Scouts? Quit. Piano lessons when they started with two hands? Quit. Working out at Curves? Quit in the middle of signing up for the membership. So, if I quit - and, yeah, I might if it gets too hard - I'm gonna do it on my terms. It might be tomorrow. It might be next week. It might be the week after! But definitely not today.
- Axl Heck: I didn't even think my bones could break, they're so strong and thick. God! I drank so much milk. I'm suing milk!
- Sue Heck: I think we have a real opportunity here. I mean, clearly, this lady can't tell things of value from junk. I learned that one from watching "Hoarders".
- Brick Heck: The thing I learned from watching "Hoarders" is that it does not usually end well for the cats.
- Cassidy Finch: Wow. I feel sorry for you. Your whole identity is this tiny locker room world you think you're king of. And now you're injured and you're scared, so you're putting up an imperious facade and overcompensating for your insecurity.
- Axl Heck: Okay, if you're trying to insult me, you're gonna have to use smaller words.
- Mike Heck: It's Tylenol P.M. P.M. - that's why it's got the moon and the stars on it. It's the kind that makes you go to sleep.
- Frankie Heck: What?
- Axl Heck: Oh, my God. My mother drugged me? And I have a test tomorrow on... I have no idea what I have a test tomorrow on.