Key and Peele (TV Series)

Episode #2.4 (2012)

Carlson Young: Jacquelin

Quotes 

• Various Characters : All right, listen up, y'all. I'm y'all's substitute teacher, Mr. Garvey. I taught school for 20 years in the inner city, so don't even think about messing with me! Y'all feel me? Okay, let's take roll here. Jay-quellin.

  [Nobody answers] 

  Various Characters : Where's Jay-quellin at? No Jay-quellin here?

  [One girl raises her hand] 

  Various Characters : Yes?

  Jacquelin : Uh, do you mean Jacquelline?

  Various Characters : Okay, so that's how it's gonna be. Y'all wanna play. Okay, then. I got my eye on you Jay-quellin. "Buh-lah-kay."

  [No answer] 

  Various Characters : Where is Buh-lah-gay at? No Buh-lah-kay here today?

  [Another student raises his hand] 

  Various Characters : Yes, sir?

  Blake : My name's Blake.

  Various Characters : Are you outta your God-damned mind? "Blake?" What? Do you wanna go to war, Buh-lah-kay?

  Blake : No.

  Various Characters : 'Cuz we could go to war. I'm for real. So you better check yourself. "De-nice." Is there a De-nice? If one of y'all says some silly-ass name, this whole class is gonna feel my wrath. Now, De-nice.

  Denise : Do you mean Denise?

  Various Characters : Son of a bitch!

  [Breaks his clipboard over his knees] 

  Various Characters : You say your name right, right now.

  Denise : Denise.

  Various Characters : Say it right.

  Denise : Denise.

  Various Characters : Correctly.

  Denise : Denise.

  Various Characters : Right.

  Denise : De-nice.

  Various Characters : That's better, thank you! Now, "Ay-ay-ron." Where are you? Where is Ay-ay-ron right now? No ay-ay-ron, huh? Well you better be sick, dead or mute Ay-ay-ron.

  Aaron : Here!

  [Under breath] 

  Aaron : Oh, man!

  Various Characters : Why didn't you answer me the first time I said it?

  Aaron : Huh?

  Various Characters : I only said Ay-ay-ron four times, why didn't you answer one of those times?

  Aaron : Because it's pronounced Aaron.

  Various Characters : Son of a bitch!

  [throws several pieces of lab equipment to the ground] 

  Various Characters : you done messed up, ay-ay-ron! You done messed UP! Now march your ass down to O'Shag-Hennessey's office and explain to him exactly what you did?

  Aaron : Principal O'Shaughnessy?

  Various Characters : Get outta my God-damned classroom before I break my foot off in your ass! Insubordinate, and churlish!

  [Picks up his broken clipboard] 

  Various Characters : Ti-mo-thy.