- Sheldon Cooper: [after losing at "Where's Waldo"] How could you not find him?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Because he's hard to find! If he was easy to find, the books would be called "There's Waldo!"
- Raj Koothrappali: [surprised to see Howard on his doorstep] I didn't think I'd see you until tomorrow.
- Howard Wolowitz: I know, but Bernie is kind of under the weather and my mother is kind of... under my dentist.
- Raj Koothrappali: Wait, so your mother is sleeping with your dentist?
- Howard Wolowitz: Former dentist, actually. I need a new one, now that I know where his hands have been.
- Sheldon Cooper: It's been a good run, Fake Wolowitz. We'll remember you with fond nostalgia, like the dial-up modem, the VHS tape and Leonard's gym membership.
- Raj Koothrappali: I don't want Stuart to leave. We've become good friends.
- Sheldon Cooper: Okay, that's one vote for, one against. Leonard, you're the tie breaker.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I don't mind Stuart. Besides, he gives us 20% discounts on comic books.
- Sheldon Cooper: My friendship isn't sold so cheaply.
- Stuart: I can go as high as 30.
- Sheldon Cooper: Welcome aboard, old chum.
- Penny: Sheldon, you're full of fun little facts. Where do you think the expression "have your ass handed to you" come from?
- Sheldon Cooper: I don't know.
- Penny: I bet it was from ancient Rome, where they actually chopped off someone's ass and went "Here" as an offering to Loseronius, the God of Losers.
- Howard Wolowitz: [as he steps out of the plane, he is met with a crowd chanting "Howie!" - for Howie Mandel, who is next to him] Thank you, it was nothing really.
- Howie Mandel: I think they're here for me, Ringo.
- Chauffeur: Mr. Mandel, I'll be your driver.
- Howie Mandel: Thank you. Can you believe that guy was telling everyone he was an astronaut?
- Penny: We're not playing a made-up game.
- Sheldon Cooper: All games are made up. They're not found in nature. No one digs on the ground and finds a rich vein of Rock'em Sock'em Robots.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, we haven't won a game all night. Now you either stick your face in that pie, or I'm gonna stick that pie in your face.
- Sheldon Cooper: That's rude.
- Penny: Okay, just for the record, I've never entered a wet t-shirt contest. I've won a few, but that's just because I spill when I'm drunk.
- Sheldon Cooper: [At a pie-eating contest] I'm a little concerned. Blueberries are rich in anti-oxidants.
- Leonard Hofstadter: So?
- Sheldon Cooper: So with all those anti-oxidants, what if I run out of oxidants?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, we haven't won a game all night. Now, you either stick your face in that pie, or I'm gonna stick that pie in your face!
- Sheldon Cooper: [after pinning Sheldon, Penny kisses Sheldon's nose] Stop that.
- [Penny kisses Sheldon's cheek]
- Sheldon Cooper: Amy, do something. Amy, help.
- [Amy starts kissing Sheldon's forehead]