Last Tango in Halifax (TV Series)
Episode #1.3 (2012)
Derek Jacobi: Alan
Quotes
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[Celia and Alan are talking to the vicar about getting married in church]
Vicar : You're both regular churchgoers, obviously?
[silence, as Celia and Alan look at each other]
Celia : Well, we have been in the past.
Vicar : So, you're not regular churchgoers now?
Alan : Not... no.
Vicar : When did you last go to church?
Alan : Er... Christmas. 19... oh, er... 77.
Vicar : [sighs] What about you, Mrs Dawson?
Celia : About the same.
Vicar : So why do you want God's blessing, if you don't go to church? I'm just interested.
Alan : We thought he might like the trade.
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[Celia and Alan are having a discussion about politics. Celia is rather surprised to find that Alan's views are more left-wing than hers]
Alan : You're going to tell me next you voted for Margaret Thatcher.
Celia : Well, you can't have like Michael Foot? In his anorak at the Cenotaph?
Alan : A very intelligent man, Michael Foot.
Celia : Oh, he can't have been that intelligent or he wouldn't have gone round looking like a scarecrow. I didn't dislike Tony Blair.
Alan : [groans] Oh!
Celia : Until he muckied his ticket in Iraq.
Alan : Now, Gordon Brown. There's a much-maligned man.
Celia : [scoffing] Gordon Brown? Trying to get everybody to like him, with his phoney grin? And he's Scottish.
Alan : Now, there's an unassailable political argument!
Celia : Well, it hardly needs pointing out he buggered up the economy.
Alan : No, he didn't. He did not. He had vision.
Celia : Oh God. I can see this is a subject we're going to have to avoid.
Alan : No, don't worry. I'll teach you.
Celia : You damn well won't.
Alan : Yeah, we'll buy you a copy of the Guardian.
Celia : You can keep your Guardian.
Alan : I thought I spotted a Daily Mail lurking in your recycling bin.
Celia : What's wrong with the Daily Mail.
Alan : What's wrong with it? What's right with it?
Celia : Do you know, I'd never have had you down for red-hot Labour. I thought you had more about you.
Alan : Do you know the good thing about David Cameron is that even *he* knows he's an arse! Every time he opens his mouth, you can see him thinking "I was born an arse. I'll die an arse. But at least I *know* I'm an arse."