2 Broke Girls (TV Series)

And the One-Night Stands (2012)

Kat Dennings: Max Black

Photos 

Quotes 

• Caroline Channing : Congratulations. It's official. Our website is now live.

  Max Black : Congratulations. It's official, you're a whore. I hear you got your Kinko's card punched.

  Caroline Channing : What, heh?

  Max Black : Don't "what" me. I know you hooked up with the webmaster.

  Oleg : [Oleg rings the bell]  Pick up.

  Caroline Channing : Oleg, you told Max?

  Oleg : What's happening?

  Caroline Channing : Our deal's off. Oleg had sex with Sophie last night.

  [Max gasps] 

  Sophie Kachinsky : No. No. It wasn't sex. Just hand stuff. Yeah. And nothing above the waist. I'm a lady. Yeah. I got all hot and bothered watching Caroline and big Han.

  Edwin : Okay.

  [Edwin chuckles] 

  Edwin : You know, I really think this is between Caroline and me.

  Han Lee : You mean between Caroline, you and your strippers.

  Caroline Channing : Strippers?

  Han Lee : I have seen this man in a strip club.

  Max Black : Han, you were in a strip club?

  Han Lee : [Han points to Earl]  Earl took me.

  [Earl stands there with his mouth wide open] 

  Earl : Damn it, Han! You gonna sell me out, after I spotted you a hundred dollars in ones.

  Oleg : You went to Spreaders without me?

• Caroline Channing : Why would you take Han to a strip club?

  Max Black : Yeah, is his lap even big enough for a dance?

• Max Black : Oh, look. We just passed Carvel.

  Caroline Channing : What's a Carvel?

  Max Black : Carvel Ice Cream? You know, Fudgie the Whale. Cookie Puss. C'mon, how could you not know Carvel? They have them everywhere.

  Caroline Channing : Oh, wait, is that that white trash ice cream?

  Max Black : [Max gasps]  How dare you? It is not white trash. And I wouldn't be so high and mighty. You're on a free bang buss to a prison.

  Caroline Channing : I'm sorry. I didn't realize you had such a strong emotional connection to ice cream.

  Max Black : Not to the ice cream. The ice cream cake. When I was 10, I asked my mom for a birthday party. She said yes, but then flaked out and forgot to call anyone.

  Caroline Channing : I'm starting to understand why you don't like birthday parties.

  Max Black : So after I waited on the porch for an hour, I stole 20 bucks from her purse, thumbed it out to Carvel, and bought myself a Fudgie the Whale cake. I ate the whole thing with a pink plastic spoon and it was way better then any party ever could have been.

  Shonda : I heard that. Ain't nothing better then Fudgie the Whale.

  Jefferson : I love the chocolate crunchies.

  Shonda : Bitch, everybody love the damn chocolate crunchies!

• Caroline Channing : I got to see my father, and he saw me.

  Max Black : And I got to see Irish. I think he might be the one that got away, or the one that got put-a-way.

• Max Black : I guess I am your BFF... Broke Friend Forever.

• Sophie Kachinsky : Max, I know you had limited budget, but music is free.

  Max Black : Yeah, well I'm a douche.

• Edwin : I can be done in a minute.

  Max Black : Yeah, not what you want to hear.

• Caroline Channing : It's strictly business.

  Max Black : Alright, but it's costing us 200 dollars, might as well get something out of it. Maybe let him browse your Yahoo.

• Han Lee : Tomorrow is Caroline's birthday.

  Max Black : Why don't I know that about her? She tells me everything. I know so much about her cycle I feel pressure to impregnate her.

  Oleg : I can do that for you.

• Caroline Channing : This is nice, getting out of the city. Kinda reminds me of the ride to the Hamptons.

  Shonda : Yo. This your first time on the bang bus? We call it the bang bus because everybody here gonna get banged. And in addition, because we on a bus.

  Max Black : Mm, makes sense.

  Shonda : Hey, I'm Shonda.

  [Shonda puts out her fist to fist-bump Caroline] 

  Max Black : I'm Max. This is Caroline.

  Caroline Channing : Heh. So you're all going for, like, conjugal visits?

  Max Black : Pretty fancy term for getting Shawshanked on a three-legged cot.

  Shonda : Shawshanked. I like her.

  Caroline Channing : I like your hair. Did you just get back from Cancun?

  Shonda : Oh! No, I saved up and I got these done for my man. He says they make me look like Alicia Keys meets Ed Norton in "American History X".

  Max Black : How sweet.

  Shonda : Oh, yo, what's your man in for?

  Jefferson : My man's in for possession of a sweet, sweet ass.

  Shonda : Ugh. He makes that joke every time.

  Caroline Channing : He's not my man actually, He's my dad.

  Shonda : Oh, oh! so you a freak! That's all right. I don't judge. You see a name tag on me that says "Judy?"