Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)

The Grinch (2011)

Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic

Photos 

Quotes 

• Nostalgia Critic : [Talking about the scene where the Grinch makes the mayor kiss his dog's butt]  Really, film? Really? You had to go there? The Arrested Development guy kissing a dog's derriere? Did your five-year-old decide to start writing this part?

  [Mocking a kid's voice] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Kissing dog's anuses? Ha ha, this is high art!

• Nostalgia Critic : But I know the Whos have the Christmas spirit in check.

  [cut to a scene of two Whos competing against each other] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Wait, scratch that; they're as phony as Glenn Beck. For you see, these Whos are competitive and beyond materialistic. A town that loves the spirit?

  [snorts] 

  Nostalgia Critic : I guess that was unrealistic.

• Nostalgia Critic : What the hell would PETA say for this little canine? Oh hell, as long as he's not wearing a Tanooki Suit, it's fine.

• Narrator : So whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes, he stood outside his cave, hating the Whos.

  Nostalgia Critic : Wait a minute! "Whatever reason"? Dude, are you high? They just told ya the reason, ya dumb stupid guy! It's because he was mocked all the way from the start! What, did you just fall asleep at that part?

• Nostalgia Critic : [the Grinch goes to the Whobilation]  So the Grinch heads on down. You'll be glad that he did, because this scene happens!

  [the Grinch lands face-first between Martha May's breasts] 

  Nostalgia Critic : You know, for kids!

• Nostalgia Critic : [the Grinch is rampaging through Whoville]  He takes all his antics and goes all the way.

  [the Grinch accidentally crashes a car into a fire hydrant and it explodes] 

  Nostalgia Critic : There's an explosion in "The Grinch". Who directed this, Michael Bay?

• [first lines] 

  Narrator : Everyone on the Internet was in love with "The Grinch". When asked if they enjoyed it, they'd say yes in a pinch. Jim Carrey's so funny and Ron Howard's a gem, and this holiday classic is perfect for them. Yes, the film seemed to make so many people happy, but the Grump of Channel Awesome found it all crappy.

  [the Nostalgia Critic as the Grump glares] 

  Narrator : He hated "The Grinch", every part of the movie. Please don't ask why, we're not sure how this could be. It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right, or perhaps it could be that his shoes were too tight.

  Nostalgia Critic : Why would shoes affect how I feel about something? I don't get that.

  Narrator : But the most likely reason of all, I should think, is the Grump thought his brain was two sizes too big.

• Nostalgia Critic : We then see the Grinch, the epitome of cruel. And yes, to be fair, that makeup is pretty cool. He looks just like the Grinch, despite the film's flaws. But hey, it could be worse; they could've given him cat claws.

• Narrator : And the more the Grump thought how this movie would stink, the more the Grump thought...

  Nostalgia Critic : [throws the DVD on the ground]  I must stop this whole thing! Why, for eleven damn years, I've put up with it now! I must stop Christmas from sucking. But how?

  Narrator : And then the Grump got an idea, an awful idea. The Grump had a wonderful, awful idea.

  [the Critic does a very good imitation of the Grinch's evil smile] 

  Nostalgia Critic : I know what to do!

  Narrator : ...the Grump said, sitting tall.

  Nostalgia Critic : If I can't enjoy it, I'll ruin it for them all! A critique of this stinker is just what they need. I'll tell them the truth, my words must take heed!

  [the opening titles appear] 

  Nostalgia Critic : So come on, ya pansies, let the bashing begin! Stop smoking that Who-hash and let us dive in.

• Nostalgia Critic : [Talking about the Whos' appearances]  We see the Whos in Whoville are merry and bright. Many of them you'll see in your nightmares tonight. Seriously, these Whos are freaky as hell! Were all of their mothers all pregnant when they fell down that well?

• Narrator : But whatever the reason you might want to pick...

  [the Critic picks up a copy of "The Grinch" and stares at it] 

  Narrator : ... the Grump spent his time hating the flick. Staring down with a grumpy grump frown, he never got what pleased all the people in town.

  Nostalgia Critic : Can't they see...

  Narrator : ...said the Grump.

  Nostalgia Critic : ...that the remake is crap? I'd rather get my nuts caught in a Lorax trap! P.S., that's gonna suck, too.

• Nostalgia Critic : [about the Grinch]  So as you guessed, he hates Christmas to a T. And so would I, if I lived in this town constantly, for Whoville looks dirty and kind of polluted. There's smog everywhere and the colors are muted. The wide angle makes things look strangely intense. And is it me, or did someone rub Vaseline in the lens? And the constant camera movement has gotta be the worst. There's more Dutch angles here than "Battlefield Earth". This doesn't look magical, it's ugly and heinous. This isn't Christmastime, it's "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"!

• Nostalgia Critic : You know, I kinda like the original. I know, big surprise. But it made sense that they already knew where Christmas lies. For nothing could dampen it, and that was uplifting. Here, there's blaming and yelling before they start shifting. The message is there, but it doesn't stand as tall. And if you can't remake it better, WHY REMAKE IT AT ALL?

• [this is in response to the Grinch's heart growing three times its original size and beating loudly as he learns the true meaning of Christmas] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Wow, way to ruin such a touching little scene. Good god, for a moment, I almost saw a subtlety.

  [the Grinch exclaims and makes faces as his heart continues to beat loudly] 

  Nostalgia Critic : That's right, keep yelling. Make faces like a whore. It lasted the whole movie; we can take a bit more.

• Nostalgia Critic : [after watching "The Grinch"]  That's the film. Oh my GOD! Could it be any longer? I bet you're wondering what I would do to make it any stronger. Well... maybe you could shorten it, by an hour or two. And maybe some bright colors for a friendlier view. A more subtle actor might be anticipated. And hey, you know what else? Why not make it animated? Yes, those are the changes that I would insist. Oh wait, we don't need to. IT FUCKING EXISTS!

• Nostalgia Critic : [Cindy Lou Who is singing "Where Are You Christmas?"]  Really? We're letting the brat sing here? It sounds like something that came out of Charlotte Church's rear. But don't get me wrong, I'm sure she's trying her best. But we need this song like we needed one in "Polar Express".

• [this is in response to the Grinch waggling some mistletoe over his butt] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Dr. Seuss would be proud, this is what he intended. Mistletoe butt for moms to get offended. And Jim Carrey's range once again is in stock! Can you believe he used to talk from his ass? I'm shocked!

• Nostalgia Critic : [finishing his critique of the movie]  The original was fine, spend your time watching that. Much better than this horrifying crap in a hat! It's downright unpleasant, unbearable, unfunny. Nothing in this movie seems colorful or sunny. It's not fun to look at, it's not fun to watch. How on Earth did this classic get so goddamn botched? I really hate this movie, and you know what? So should you! I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you don't have to!

• Nostalgia Critic : [ranting about "The Grinch"]  The jokes are atrocious, the lines make me weepy, they scare up the Grinch, when the Whos are more creepy! The original's a classic, no fixing required. Whoever said this needs an update IS A BIG FAT FUCK LIAR! Pop cultural references don't make a film work; just makes you look like a big dumb lazy ass JERK! On top of that, who the hell made Dr. Seuss PG? PG? Oh, I see. Seuss was never child-friendly!

• [the Grinch heads down to Whoville in his rocket-powered sleigh] 

  Nostalgia Critic : At the risk of sounding incredibly droll... Oh, I can't help it...

  Peppy Hare : Do a barrel roll!

• Nostalgia Critic : [about the Grinch]  So, he didn't steal Christmas, more assassinated it, when we FINALLY get the plot that the writers had procrastinated. He wants to steal Christmas after Santa gets moving. Wait, Santa's in this movie? That's a little confusing. But no matter, he gets his stuff and starts to head down to visit the sleeping Whos in their quiet little town.

• Nostalgia Critic : [about Jim Carrey as the Grinch]  I give Carrey credit, this role can't be easy. To act in green latex is probably not breezy. But, GOD, is he annoying! I'm sorry, but it's true! Is there a law to how much mugging a single person can do? Just because you can make faces doesn't mean that you should. Can't you once say a line like a normal person would?

  [in the movie, the Grinch acts and sounds like he's dying; the Critic sighs] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Didn't you take anything from the great Boris Karloff? You sound like Sean Connery if his nostrils just fell off!

• Nostalgia Critic : [beginning his critique of the film]  So this world we discover takes place on a flake.

  [a snowflake falls past the Critic, who crushes it with his hands; the sound effect of a screaming man is heard] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Trust me, I did 'em a favor, for God's sake.

• [in the movie, the Grinch sees a light in the sky] 

  Nostalgia Critic : So, God's in the movie? Well, that I didn't know. Does he say...

  [cut to a clip of "The Truman Show"] 

  Christof : I am the creator of a television show.

• [the Critic finishes his review of the movie and loads it on the Internet] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Ho-ho!

  Narrator : ...said the Grump, loading his hit.

  Nostalgia Critic : They're finding right now that this movie is shit. They're watching right now. I know just what they'll do. Their mouths will hang open for a moment or two, and then, they'll cry "The genius of You-Know-Who." Now those are reactions that I simply must read.

  Narrator : He went to the comments to take a look and see. But the reactions he got didn't seem very sad. If anything, these reactions seemed rather... glad.

  [he then sees all the positive comments from people who genuinely like the movie] 

  Narrator : They still loved the movie from beginning to end. There was no one to anger, upset, or offend. He didn't stop the people from liking it. They loved it. Somehow or other, it was still just as beloved.

  [the Critic puts his hand in his cheek] 

  Narrator : And the Grump, feeling like he's been horribly conned, sat puzzling and puzzling.

  Nostalgia Critic : WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON? They like mistletoe butt! They like boobs being harassed! They like seeing a PERVERT KISS A DOG'S ASS!

  Narrator : He puzzled and he puzzled 'til his puzzler was sore. Then the Grump thought of something he hadn't before. Just because he hates something doesn't mean others should. He could share, not force, his opinion like others would. For it's all our different outlooks that makes us people grow and everyone is different like every flake of snow. For different points of view could exist for a reason: to learn about one another and to make each other decent.

  [the Critic thinks some more, then says:] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Nah, I'm right. They're wrong.

  [gets up and leaves] 

  Narrator : Well, fuck you, then!