Horrible Histories (TV Series)

Episode #2.5 (2010)

Laurence Rickard: Various

Quotes 

• King George IV : [Looking at himself in the mirror]  Oh! Oh George, how do you do it? How do you look *so* fabulous? George, you are worth it!

  [a footman enters] 

  Footman #1 : Your Highness! I have some dreadful news!

  King George IV : [Gasps]  Powdered wigs aren't coming back, are they?

  Footman #1 : It's far graver news than that I'm afraid. Sir, I must tell you... your father is dead.

  [pause] 

  King George IV : Y-e-e-s-s! Get in! Get - in!

  [Does a victory dance] 

  Footman #1 : [Taken aback]  Sir, I think you may have misheard me.

  King George IV : Dad's dead, Dad's dead! Oh gosh, I'm King!

  Footman #1 : Ah. You-you didn't. But Sir, shouldn't you be... upset?

  Footman #1 : Upset? I'm nearly 60 years old. I know I don't look it. It's very good of you to say it, but...

  Footman #1 : Well, I wasn't going to.

  King George IV : I've been a bog standard Prince for nearly 60 years. Nearly 60 years I've been waiting for my father to kick the bucket!

  Footman #1 : Yes. But Sir, I have to advise you that your subjects will expect you to be grief stricken. In floods of tears.

  King George IV : Tears? This is better than Christmas!

  [Another footman enters] 

  Footman #2 : George! Have you heard the news?

  King George IV : You bet I have!

  Footman #2 : Congratu-very-lations... Your *Majesty*!

  King George IV : My Majesty!

• Footman #1 : Sir, are you sure you can't squeeze out just a small tear?

  King George IV : Certainly not! Thickwig. I only cry about things that matter. So, how do I look for my coronation?

  Footman #2 : Spectacular!

  King George IV : Look at my calves!

  Footman #2 : [Gasps]  Very muscular - very manly!

  King George IV : [Whispers]  I'll tell you a secret - it's padding.

  Footman #2 : [Whispers]  Padding?

  [Gasps] 

  Footman #2 : Well, that explains the seat of your trouser.

  King George IV : What?

  Footman #2 : [Whispers]  Well, between yousees and mesees, there might be a tad too much pad on the old derriere?

  King George IV : Padding?

  [Lifts up the back of his jacket and looks at himself in the mirror sideways] 

  King George IV : There's no padding *there*!

  [Starts sobbing] 

  King George IV : He thinks I'm fat, he thinks I'm *fat*!

  Footman #2 : You know what might help? Maybe if you wore a corset?

  King George IV : I *am* wearing a corset!

  [Sobs] 

  Footman #1 : Well, at least he's crying now.

  Footman #2 : [Feigning sorrow]  Oh, oh the poor Prince!

  King George IV : I'm not a Prince, I'm a *King* now! Get out!