Community (TV Series)
Competitive Ecology (2011)
Donald Glover: Troy Barnes
Photos
Quotes
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Jeff Winger : Guys, I just figured it all out.
Troy Barnes : Pierce, wake up, Jeff is gonna heal us.
Jeff Winger : We have been looking at this totally wrong. There's no way I'm unpopular. One of you monsters just put me last in a petty attempt to humble me.
Pierce Hawthorne : [Fake-snores] Oh! I just had a terrible nightmare that Jeff was a pompous ass. Also Todd was there. Uh, no offense, Todd.
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Annie Edison : [Each member of the group is trying to break up with their lab partner] It's not you, it's me.
Britta Perry : I'm just trying to protect us both from more pain down the road.
Abed Nadir : I may have a developmental disorder.
Troy Barnes : I need to catch up on "Breaking Bad", so...
Shirley Bennett : I'm so sorry.
Jeff Winger : I have a developmental disorder.
[Pretends to be Abed]
Jeff Winger : Star Wars, Star Wars. Cool, cool, cool. Hmm. You understand.
Pierce Hawthorne : You're also, quite frankly, a very weird-looking man. I don't know you, but I just don't trust you. And I don't think I could grow to like you. The point of what I'm trying to tell you, Todd, is that I don't want to be your lab partner. No offense.
Todd : None taken. I understand, you wanna be with your friends.
Pierce Hawthorne : Don't tell me what I'm feeling or thinking. It's petty. Good-bye, Todd. Okay, how are we gonna divide the... Hey, wh...
[Pierce realizes he's odd man out and chases after Todd]
Pierce Hawthorne : Hey, Todd! Todd, buddy! You passed the test.
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Annie Edison : These questions are really personal. Are you sure this is anonymous?
Britta Perry : Yeah, they're just practice evaluations for my psych class.
[Everybody hands her their tests]
Britta Perry : All right. Who did a butt?
Troy Barnes : They're boobs. And I don't know.
Britta Perry : Take it again.
[Looks at the other tests]
Britta Perry : All right. Somebody drew a penis. Oh! And another penis. Penis, penis, penis. Very mature, guys.
Annie Edison : I didn't draw a penis.
Shirley Bennett : Me neither.
Abed Nadir : Yeah, these are all normally filled out tests.
Britta Perry : Ha ha! Gotcha! This was also a test, and you all penised. Passed. Maybe I need to take one. A test. Not a penis.
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Professor Marshall Kane : Your terrariums are due tomorrow. And everyone look across the table at the person in front of you. That's your lab partner for the rest of the semester. Saddle up.
Troy Barnes : [under his breath to Abed] Who are these people?
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Troy Barnes : We love each other.
Abed Nadir : Second paintball.
Professor Marshall Kane : What is happening at this school? I have so many conversations that make no sense.
Jeff Winger : Uh, we'd really prefer to partner up amongst ourselves.
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Troy Barnes : [chuckles] Roommates, study group, lab partners. We really are gonna spend all our time together. How awesome is that?
Abed Nadir : Very. You know what else is awesome? Last night I saw the Hong Kong movie. That Kickpuncher is based on.
Troy Barnes : Yeah, I know, I was there.
Abed Nadir : Did you see the scene where Kickpuncher kick-punches 200 guys with one kick-punch?
Troy Barnes : Yeah. Both of them.
Abed Nadir : [realization] Oh.
Troy Barnes , Abed Nadir : We spend too much time together. Jinx.
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Abed Nadir : All right, yep. According to my system, Annie's gonna be with Shirley. Pierce is with me. Troy is with Britta. And Jeff is with Todd.
Britta Perry : Okay, let's get to work.
Jeff Winger : Uh, wait. Um, how did I end up with Todd? I mean, no offense, but he wasn't exactly at the top of my list.
Todd : None taken.
Abed Nadir : It's what the algorithm dictated.
Jeff Winger : And we're just supposed to trust your algorithm?
Abed Nadir : You're questioning my algorithm?
Jeff Winger : Not necessarily. Is your algorithm above questioning?
Abed Nadir : Not necessarily.
Jeff Winger : Will you just tell us how you chose?
Abed Nadir : I used the ballots to rank everyone by popularity. And I put the most popular with the least popular. I figured it would maximize each partnership's audience appeal.
Jeff Winger : Oh, I-I see. So I was number one, and he was obviously number eight. No offense, Todd.
Abed Nadir : You and Todd were four and five.
Jeff Winger : [scoffs] I was four?
Abed Nadir : Todd was four.
Jeff Winger : I was five? Well, that's insane! We don't even know him. He's a stranger.
Pierce Hawthorne : Please, Jeff. It has feelings.
Troy Barnes : Wait, so we all know Annie was number one, because she'd do all the work.
Annie Edison : [demurely] Oh.
Troy Barnes : And Shirley was her partner, so...
Shirley Bennett : But that means-- so you all put...
Pierce Hawthorne : I just worked it out. I'm more popular than someone!
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Jeff Winger : Okay, we just have to come up with a fair way to decide who is gonna be stuck for an entire semester with this... random. This, uh... non-grouper. No offense, Todd.
Todd : None taken. I'm happy to work with whoever.
[Abed shakes his head and rolls his eyes]
Troy Barnes : There's only one way to decide this fairly. We go boy-girl, boy-girl. But everyone has to have a different hair color. And be from a different high school. And be a different race. I guess I'd be with... Britta.
[laughs]
Troy Barnes : I guess my... my hands are tied.
[Britta looks confused and wary]
Abed Nadir : The hair color concept intrigues me because it's how I distinguish you anyway.
