- [first lines]
- Badass School Girl Cookie Salesgirl: Hi, would you like to buy some of my Badass School Girl Cookies?
- Badass School Girl Cookie Customer: Yeah, you know what? I'd love to buy 'em. All of 'em, actually. As many as you fuckin' have, I'll take 'em all. If you got a whole carload of 'em, just back it up right here and start shoveling 'em in my fuckin' entryway.
- Badass School Girl Cookie Salesgirl: You're kind of a... a *dick*!
- Badass School Girl Cookie Customer: [takes a bite of cookie] They taste like shit. They're horrible.
- Badass School Girl Cookie Salesgirl: *I* like 'em.
- Badass School Girl Cookie Customer: I mean, why should I buy these cookies? They're terrible every single time. They're terrible.
- Badass School Girl Cookie Salesgirl: Because... um... because I suck a mean dick.
- Badass School Girl Cookie Customer: All right. That works.
- Guy Locked in Locker: [climbing out of locker] Thank you. Thank you. Those fuckers put me in there. They locked me in the locker.
- Locker Guy Rescuer: Oh my god! why?
- Guy Locked in Locker: Well...
- Locker Guy Rescuer: Is it 'cause you have a little penis?
- [last lines]
- Sorority Girl: So, how was that? Welcome to the fuckin' sorority.
- Sorority Pledge: You can keep your sorority. I just wanted to fuck you. How's *that* for badass?
- Sorority Girl: [mouths inaudibly] What?