New Girl (TV Series)

Kryptonite (2011)

Max Greenfield: Schmidt

Photos 

Quotes 

• Spencer : You live with these people, Jess? Seriously? You can stay here until you find a better place to live.

  Nick Miller : You know what? I don't like you, stretch. I don't like anything about you, and I'm not afraid to...

  Jess Day : I got this. I've got a place to live, Spence. It's over. I spent six years trying to figure you out. All you are is a guy with really beautiful hair. I'm happy you cheated on me. Thank you. Because if you hadn't, I would have married you. And then you would have hurt me all over again. And yeah, I was scared to start over. I didn't know what to do. And yeah, I'm living with three guys I met on the Internet. And yeah, stranger danger is real. But I love these guys. I barely know them, I just met him, but I love them.

  Nick Miller : I would just take it easy with the love stuff.

  Schmidt : Come on, the love stuff.

  Jess Day : All of them.

• Nick Miller : Come on, Jess. Just go in there and get that TV.

  Spencer : Ah. I miss you, Jess.

  Cece Parekh : Don't hug him back.

  Schmidt : [they all groan as she does]  Oh, that is not healthy.

• Nick Miller : Okay, what are we watching?

  Jess Day : I have some DVDs. Um, "Adventures in Babysitting". Uh, "Prancer", "Newsies", "Curly Sue".

  Winston Bishop : [standing to leave]  I'm going out.

  Nick Miller : Yeah.

  Jess Day : Wait. Where are you guys going? These are heartwarming films.

  [the front door closes; after a moment, Schmidt returns and sits down] 

  Schmidt : Oh. "Curly Sue". Let's do this.

• Schmidt : Can I ask you something?

  Jess Day : You want my help? Sure.

  Schmidt : You consider me a sexy man, correct?

  Jess Day : I don't know how to answer that question.

• Nick Miller : Jess, I've been telling you this for weeks, but you got to call Spencer and you got to get your stuff back. Unless, you know, unless you're scared.

  Jess Day : No, I am not scared. It's just complicated. That stuff was... that stuff was ours, and... I miss them...

  Schmidt : [distracting her]  Jess, look, it's a ball.

  Jess Day : Oh, a little b-ball, huh?

  [dribbling] 

  Jess Day : I'm actually pretty good. I used to play with my mom.

  [singing] 

  Jess Day : Defense, defense. Watch out for the defense. Sneaky, sneaky, wah-wah.

  Nick Miller : [seeing Winston's look]  You get used to her.

  Jess Day : Hey, Schmidt.

  [trying to pass it to him, it instead smashes the TV] 

  Nick Miller : Oh, come on.

  Jess Day : [covering her face in embarrassment]  Oh.

  Winston Bishop : Wow.

  Jess Day : Oh. My bad.

• Nick Miller : All right, so what happened?

  Jess Day : Ugh. He needed a ride to the airport.

  Nick Miller : What?

  Jess Day : For his new girlfriend.

  Nick Miller : Are you kidding me?

  Schmidt : Are you serious?

  Cece Parekh : You didn't tell me that.

  Jess Day : I'm supposed to pick her up next Sunday.

  Nick Miller : Oh, my god, Jess.

• Nick Miller : [seeing Spencer]  That's the wizard? He's wearing a scrunchie.

  Winston Bishop : Looks like he juggles clubs on the beach.

  Cece Parekh : Yeah, like he'd ever have a job.

  Schmidt : Didn't you just kind of assume he'd have a handlebar mustache?

• Jess Day : [with a handful of her stuff, including the TV]  I got it! It's really heavy, but I got it!

  Schmidt : Oh, my god, we created a monster.

  Nick Miller : She looks like Helena Bonham Carter.

  Winston Bishop : [seeing her struggle with the TV]  Oh, god, she's gonna drop... Jess... soft hands, Jess.

• Schmidt : I'm meeting a girl for drinks tonight, and I'm probably gonna bring her back here for sex.

  Jess Day : [sensing the conversation's awkward turn]  I have to get to school, 'cause it's astronomy day and I'm dressing up like Galileo, so I have to put on my beard.

• Jess Day : I'm so excited to meet him.

  Nick Miller : No, Jess, he's sleeping. He flew in late last night. We took him straight to the bar. He took a bunch of shots, got drunk, screamed "I love America", now he's happily passed out. Let's let him sleep.

  Jess Day : Guess I'm not the new kid anymore. Just one of the guys.

  Nick Miller : You're still the new kid. Winston lived here before Coach did.

  Jess Day : So, Coach said that they used to play basketball together in college, but then Winston went pro?

  Schmidt : In Latvia, okay? He went... went pro in Latvia. It's a big difference. Well, the team logo is a fig. Just a... just one single fig.

  Jess Day : Oh, you're jealous. That's so cute.

• Jess Day : Do you have a tank top I could borrow? You look like you're about my size. It's just that I'm really low on clothes right now, 'cause I broke up with my boyfriend.

  Schmidt : Oh, god.

  Jess Day : I caught him cheating, and I just, like, grabbed whatever I could, and...

  Schmidt : Jess, you know what? I'll let you check my lost and found. It's where I keep all the stuff that girls leave behind in my room after we fornicate.

  [Winston pinches the bridge of his nose] 

  Schmidt : [leaving with Jess]  Got sizes zero through ten.

  Winston Bishop : What have you done to me, Nick?

  Nick Miller : I am so happy you're back.

• Jess Day : You have made love to a lot of forgetful women.

  Schmidt : [taking a pair of stilettos]  Oh, man. Look at these. Wow.

  [she holds up a hair extension] 

  Schmidt : Oh, look at that. Rosh Hashanah, '06. Yeah, nothing orthodox about what we did that night.

• Nick Miller : Hey, are you all right?

  Jess Day : I'm sorry, I didn't get the TV.

  Schmidt : What happened?

  Jess Day : Ugh, I'm a terrible roommate.

  Cece Parekh : I mean, seriously, you guys told her to call Spencer? That is not your job. That is my job.