- June Colburn: [caught in an intimate moment in the bathtub] No, I wasn't!
- Chloe: This must be how moms feel on the first day of kindergarten. Stand up, give me a hug!
- [June shakes her head vehemently in denial]
- Chloe: [offering her a snack, but not letting her forget she found her in a compromising situation] Corn dog, horn dog?
- June Colburn: I don't know why you're here. I thought you were leaving town.
- Chloe: The plane left without me, and I was even on time, they said to be there at eleven, and I got there eleven-thirty.
- [teasing, about what happened in bathroom:]
- Chloe: My little girl, learning to play the lady harp.
- June Colburn: [breezes past] Ugh.
- Chloe: So, who was it, who were you strumming to?
- Chloe: See these? Tears of joy. I haven't cried since I was ten and my Mom wouldn't take me to see Pulp Fiction.
- June Colburn: [cellphone alert] Oh. Oh, it's Charles.
- Chloe: Who?
- June Colburn: Oh. "Come over now, I need you."
- [swaying her body]
- June Colburn: Aw, yeah, booty time!
- Chloe: Get out of here, you little slut! I love you! I got you something.
- [little clear plastic pouch]
- Chloe: It's a casual sex kit. There is makeup remover, cab fare, energy bar, instant coffee, tweezers, tampon, pepper spray, a short article, and pictures of me, for the casual sexer.
- June Colburn: [elated] I'm a casual sexer!
- [exclamation of joy]
- Robin: [rushing towards devil-may-care Chloe] June hasn't been home for three dsys! Did she die? If she died, can I move back in with you, I can get out of my lease, or my friend Todd can take it over, it doesn't matter, I just wanna be back in the winner's circle!
- [Chloe implacidly studies her nails]
- Charles: [heard June is planning to break up] Honey, is this true?
- June Colburn: No, it's just...
- Chloe: Oh, really, honey? Because I record all conversations for legal and personal reasons that have nothing to do with my relationship with the French President Nicolas Sarkozy who's not the man I'm dating who has a plane.
- [switches on cellphone voicemail, urgent French voice, clearly the French President, "It's Kozy, Chloe!]
- Chloe: Sorry, wrong proposition.
- June Colburn: I can't do this whole casual sex thing. I tried to. But I get too attached. I can't be like you. My lady harp has feelings!
- Chloe: Why do you have to make things so complicated when it could be just sex?
- June Colburn: Because sex is complicated. You've never had feelings for somebody you slept with?
- Chloe: Slept with? Honey, if you're falling asleep he's obviously doing something wrong!
- June Colburn: [exasperated] Gawwd!
- Chloe: I love St. Patrick's Day. You get to puke on the street, and other people applaud you for it!
- June Colburn: [lying next to her sleeping crush, thinking:] I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, I did it, and I think I did it pretty good, if I do say so myself.
- [giggles]
- June Colburn: You're not complaining, are you, sweet stuff?
- [giggles]
- Chloe: [Chloe's voice in her head] June, now remember, don't stay over.
- June Colburn: [frees herself from his arm on top of her, but feels guilty about leaving him, her voice in her head:] I'll leave him a note.
- Chloe: [strict voice] Put down the pen and leave!
- June Colburn: [grabs him by the finger, shaking it] Thank you very much.
- [soft giggle, tiptoes off]
- the parrot: Awrk! Hello Judy!
- June Colburn: [on the subject of sex and dating] Yeah. It's just... it's been so long, and I've only ever did it with Steve, and what if they do it different in New York, and what if I'm bad at it?
- Chloe: [thoughtfully] I hear what you're saying. You wanna see my sex tape?
- June Colburn: Uh, what?
- Chloe: Oh, James and I made it like five years ago when we dated briefly. I'm surprised that it's taken me this long to show it to you. I usually whip it out at parties.
- [bright beaming smile]
- James Van Der Beek: [critically studying his lip-smacking performance on sex disk] What is that?
- Chloe: [as June rushes off] Where are you going?
- June Colburn: I'm gonna go change for my date.
- Chloe: This is not a date. No special effort. Wear exactly what you wore today.
- June Colburn: Well, at least let me go get my purse.
- Chloe: [stressing her words individually] You got the only purse you need.
- [pointing with both hands at her own nether region]
- James Van Der Beek: [still muttering to himself] My pants were on the floor, I didn't have access to my chapstick.
- Chloe: [to June] Remember, keep it casual and act disinterested. See what I'm doing right there?
- [points face at TV]
- Chloe: Do that.
- June Colburn: Are you sure you're okay with that coming out?
- Chloe: It's just sex, June. It's no big deal. Now remember, go out for a nightcap, don't stay over. If he asks for your phone number, give him... This.
- [piece of paper]
- Chloe: It's Kelly Osbourne's, and it's never not funny.
- James Van Der Beek: [still criticizing] It's not what I should be using my tongue for.
- Robin: [rushing towards devil-may-care Chloe] June hasn't been home in three days! Did she die? If she died, can I move back in with you, I can get out of my lease, or my friend Todd can take it over, it doesn't matter, I just wanna be back in the winner's circle!
- [bored, Chloe just studies her nails]
- June Colburn: You had sex in my bed?
- Chloe: Yes, June, and so can you. I'll teach you! Now I'll be known for two things: introducing you to casual sex and writing the final episode of The Sopranos.