Kyle Kallgren: Oancitizen

Quotes 

• Oancitizen : I just can't relate to these characters. I mean, I'm not against sex on film, per se. It's just that all this sex reminds me of how I'm... not getting it.

  [there's a knock at the door; Oan returns with a package] 

  Oancitizen : Sorry about that.

  [reads note] 

  Oancitizen : "Dear Oancitizen, Diamanda Hagan here. I had a minion send you his balls. I noticed you weren't using yours." Dammit!

• Oancitizen : Ah, welcome to Brows Held High. Well, sexy, sexy, sexually sexy, sex, sex, sex. Sex fucking

  [indistinct] 

  Oancitizen : Nipply snowballing felch in the bathroom of a subway station. Rock music.

• Oancitizen : So what's this film about anyway?

  ["Antarctica" appears on screen] 

  Oancitizen : Ah, the Arctic. So all that sex talk was building up to nothing really.

• Oancitizen : Sex rim-job pork-sordid bearded clam 9 Songs sex and fuck bucocky-doodle-doo.

• Oancitizen : I should point out that this is real. They're really having sex, just like they were really having sex in Shortbus. It's all really real sex. So real that the actress asked the director not to use her real name during the promotion of this film. Oh come now, no one forced you to do this film... Margo Stilley.

• Oancitizen : So if you've been following this, we've had sex and rock & roll. So all we're missing is... drugs.

• Oancitizen : Now this scene, I will admit, it pretty hot. So allow me to ruin it for you by showing you this.

• Oancitizen : This scene actually made history, as it made Kieran O'Brian the first man in British film history to be shown ejaculating on screen in a mainstream film. Very good, Kieran, you get a cookie. Would you like some milk with that? I made it myself.

• Oancitizen : Give me something different! A car chase, a bank robbery, a treaty negotiation. Anything but more sex!

• Oancitizen : [babbling]  Sex rim-job pork-sordid bearded clam 9 Songs sex and fuck bucocky-doodle-doo.

• Oancitizen : Gang-banging creampies symposium combat deodorant can orificial moaning and screaming jizzum orgasm wazizum. The Dandy Warhols.

• Oancitizen : We're at the fifth song now, so that means we're five-ninths of our way through the film. So, that's percentage-wise 55.555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555...

  [trails off] 

• Oancitizen : Oh I'm sorry, did I talk over an important plot point? No? I didn't think so.