The Angry Video Game Nerd (TV Series)

Kid Kool (2011)

James Rolfe: The Angry Video Game Nerd

Photos 

Quotes 

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : I went through all that torture just to be given the middle finger salute?

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : So that's Kid Kool for ya, it seems to deliberately follow the guidelines for making an unholy disaster of a game: it has one-way-bullshit, two-gear-diarrhea, it's heavy on the jump-fuckness, with loads of top-side-aquatic-ass, it has frequent air-suspension-shit-lifts, a ton of inviso-bitches and some free-falling-fuck-balls for good measure.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : This is a perfect example of a game that's ruined by control. Control! And that's the hardest part to explain, because unless you've played the game, you don't really understand. I mean, maybe you've played other games with horrible controls like Karate Champ or Dr. Claw's Dump N' Pump. But those don't compare. Playing this is like trying to thread a needle while it's spinning on a record player. It's like trying to drive a car blind-folded. You would not want to try that, nor would you try to play this game! Kid Kool is not cool!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : The storyline is about a king who's dying of an illness and needs seven different herbs to cure him. Yeah, I'll bet the game designers were smoking seven different herbs.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Is that Kid Kool? What happened? He doesn't look anything like the kid on the cover. That's what you'd call cool. Shaking his fist at a wizard with a dragon humping his leg.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Spelling errors? Yeah, you gotta have those. Not that the word, "kool", was spelled right in the first place. It just makes it more cool to spell it with a K.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : There's a guy sitting on a white seagull's poop curt shooting out lightning faster than Sonic the Hedgehog can shit out turbo turds.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : If the king has the power of immortality, can't he just use it on himself?

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : It's not even a weapon. It's a furry animal that looks like Elmo's ballsack.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : The game designers really should have taken lessons from Super Mario Bros., the time-tested-proved way to make a side-scrolling platform game.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Kid Kool is a game that is so bad you wouldn't even want to wipe your ass on it. Your worst fucking enemies don't deserve to play this accursed fowl piece of garbage! Satan doesn't even have games in Hell that are as retched as this putrid shitload of fuck!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : All these things are just petty poop.