- Ryan Newman: Mom, what are you doing?
- Catherine Newman: What does it look like I'm doing, silly? I'm making a statement about corporate greed in the death of selflessness through interpretive movement painting.
- Ryan Newman: He seems a little... grumpy.
- Jenna Mueller: Yeah, sometimes he gets like this when his mommy is getting out of town.
- Wilfred: "When his mommy is getting out of town..." Like I give a shit.
- Catherine Newman: Who is this little doggie friend?
- Ryan Newman: Oh, this is Wilfred. I'm watching him for my neighbor.
- [the cat on the chair next to them spits]
- Catherine Newman: Don't be such a grouch! But I know how to turn that frown upside down. Fishsticks in peanut butter tacos, your favorite breakfast!
- Ryan Newman: Thanks, but these days I eat breakfast for breakfast. Can I help you find something?
- Catherine Newman: Uh, let's see... Pork rinds, Funyuns, and a 12-pack of Visine. I was looking for a glass, but now I'm looking for your weed.
- Catherine Newman: I'm dying to catch up on the family gossip! Is Kristen still into black guys?
- Ryan Newman: No, Mom, she's been married to Leo for six years.
- Catherine Newman: Come join me, my child!
- Wilfred: Thought you'd never ask!
- [Wilfred runs towards the paint, roll in it and joins her on the painting]
- [Catherine and Wilfred dances wildly in front of Ryan and Jenna. Ryan blushes and is slowly building up to a rage explosion]
- Ryan Newman: Enough! Why can't you just act normal?
- Jenna Mueller: I have to pee.
- Catherine Newman: But does she really have to pee? I wonder.
- Ryan Newman: Where did you get this?
- Catherine Newman: I found Wilfred chewing on it last night.
- Ryan Newman: [to Wilfred] You son of a bitch!
- Wilfred: How is that an insult? I've never understood that.
- Catherine Newman: Can you ever forgive me?
- Ryan Newman: Can you forgive me for calling you crazy?
- Catherine Newman: Oh, that's okay. I am. You know, a little.