- While Artie and Claudia investigate people turning into clay in Salt Lake City, Pete and a blonde Myke wake up together naked in Artie's bedroom and discover Steve missing.
- Artie and Dr. Calder are reunited on a new case, but when the victims' DNAs reveal a cyber matrix, Hugo Miller, Vanessa's ex-flame, joins the investigation. The search for a cyber peeping Tom threatens to go viral unless they can find the artifact before everyone turns to clay, including Hugo, the only one who can re-write the anti-virus code. Meanwhile, Pete and Myka are retracing their steps to find out how they ended up in bed together and what they've done to Steve, who is MIA.—Anonymous
- "Warehouse 13" - "Love Sick" - July 25, 2011
Salt Lake City. Doctors are trying, without luck, to revive a patient, who blows out all their machinery. They call in the Warehouse doctor Vanessa (Lindsay Wagner) -- who also works at the CDC-- who calls in Artie (Saul Rubinek). The gang notices Artie is all dudded up and surmise Artie is going to see her. He says he's simply going to consult. Claudia (Allison Scagliotti) wants to come with to help break his fall when he sees blood.
Artie arrives and awkwardly compliments Vanessa's scrubs. Vanessa shows them the heart of the unrevivable patient. All the womans organs have turned to clay. There are others. Dr. Vanessa thinks it's an artifact outbreak.
Pete (Eddie McClintock) and a blonde Myka (Joanne Kelly) wake in bed together in Artie's bedroom- naked. Naturally, they scream. They don't know what happened or if they had sex.
Artie and Vanessa work wth an ancient DNA machine to figure out what's going on. Artie and Vanessa talk about how nice their walk was last time. He proposes taking it to the next level. They say they'll have dinner after they figure out what's going on.
Pete and Myka use the funky spectrometer gadget to see what happened between them in the last five hours. It just shows them sleeping. Pete made a phone call in the middle of the night. It turns out he called Artie and sang "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" into his voicemail. Myka says there's only one explanation, a nearby artifact. Myka says she will prove they didn't do it. They also wonder where Steve (Aaron Ashmore) is. They call his cell. It rings nearby.
Artie and Vanessa look at the DNA sequences. They're not even human. If it's a virus it's actually changing the victim's DNA. Artie sees that it's a computer code, i.e. a computer virus super-sized by an artifact, something that could change the world.
A young man searches around looking for hot chicks to view with his artifact enhanced computer. His computer interfaces with a young girl's and puts the whammy on her, shooting out nutty yellow energy lines and zapping her eyes. As she walks away she leaves red footprints...like clay.
Artie calls in his old friend Hugo Miller (Rene Auberjonois) to help crack the computer virus. Hugo already knows Vanessa. They smooch. Artie is confused. They're very old friends They started at the Warehouse at the same time and used to hang out and get high together. The young girl is brought in while they're reminiscing.
Pete and Myka search the Warehouse for Jinks and the malfunctioning artifact. They remember they were doing ray-gun target practice on an artifact. Jinks told them he was gay. Pete was excited to show off his body. Jinks says he's cool. Pete shoots at the artifact. A few balls fell from a higher ledge. They each grab one. They started giggling. They were W.C. Fields' juggling balls.
Hugo is excited about the case He says they have to find the artifact and find out how it made the virus communicable. Then, he can write an antivirus and stop it. Vanessa and Hugo work on the virus while Claudia and Artie go out to check out the girl's apartment.
Pete and Myka realize the balls made them drunk so they also ended up disturbing other artifacts including Walt Disney's paint brush and Marilyn Monroe's hairbrush,which explains why Myka is blonde. Still no Jinks though, but they find his Tesla.
They recall Jinks came along and questioned what they're doing. They call him a poopypants. He realizes they're drunk and shouldn't be playing with the artifacts. He tries to stop them. Pete grabs and drags him off.
Back in Salt Lake City. Artie is rifling through the young girl's apartment. Claudia tries to console him about Hugo and Vanessa's chummy relationship. She says they have a good thing. Artie says they don't have a thing They just have one walk. He limped. Artie said he'd given up on finding love until Vanessa came along. He started to hope. Now, he's sad. He wants to stop talking about it. Claudia checks out the computer. Claudia figures out all the victims' have credit card charges from the same computer store.
Tyler, the perp, is in the process of getting fired from the computer store. He takes off, grabs his laptop and gets in his van. The W13 gang arrives at the store just as this happens. The boss says he was a peeping tom. Claudia goes after him with a Tesla. Tyler projects himself on the superstore's TV screens and tells all of the employees' secrets and then cuts the power to the store. As he shuts it down, his necklace starts shimmering. The yellow sparks go into the TVs and zaps all the customers including Hugo. Not Vanessa or Artie, because Artie covered her eyes at the last minute. Before he starts turning to clay, Hugo figures out the virus is zapped into the cerebral cortex by the optical nerves like a coaxial cable. He thinks it's really neat, except he's infected. Vanessa quarantines the store. She calls the CDC for help.
Claudia tells Artie she can't find Tyler at his apartment. Artie asks the employees where Tyler might go. They suggest a coffee shop. Claudia takes off. Meanwhile, Hugo is working on the anti-virus. As soon as they have the artifact, they should be able to cure everyone. Vanessa says everyone in the store has less than six hours to live.
Pete and Myka find the last disturbed artifact: Richard Nixon's shoes. They're still worried they hooked up. They say they don't think of each other that way. Pete says not to worry about it since she's his partner and best friend. Nothing's going to change that. Myka agrees. They find Jinks They bronzed him. At the time, they thought it was hilarious. They take pictures standing in front of him. Myka wanted to change him back but they goofed when trying to enter a DNA sample. They got Artie's toothbrush to put his DNA in to help unlock him.
Hugo is deteriorating. Artie says they'll work it out. Hugo says he knows. He has something to live for: Vanessa. Hugo asks if Artie found someone. He says Emmet. Hugo thinks Artie is gay. Nope, Emmet is something inscribed on the necklace. The artifact is the Jewish myth of Golem: it had to do with animating an inanimate clay object. Artie tells Claudia. She finds Tyler. The store manager freaks about turning to clay, grabs a gun and says he wants out. Vanessa tries to stop him. Instead of shooting her, he zaps her with rays from his eyes. Vanessa says the virus is mutating and collapses.
Clauda chases down Tyler. In the process of trying to jump from one roof to another, she falls short and ends up hanging by her hands. She cries for help.
The gang in the store is stopped by armed folks outside. The mutated virus is working much faster in Vanessa.
Tyler comes back and pulls her up. He wonders why he's chasing her. She explains about the necklace. He says his great uncle gave it to him to ward off evil spirits. He had no idea and didn't want to hurt anyone. She says if he gives her the necklace, they can fix it.
Myka remembers the balls make you drunk and pass out and worries they will forget what happened. She had them get naked in bed together. She knew she would be so perplexed by the possibility of them sleeping together that she would force them to retrace their steps until they figured it out. When they unbronze him they fake him out. They've been wondering where he was and call him a slacker.
Claudia arrives as things are getting very dire. She gets the necklace to Artie. He puts it on and hits enter on the computer to disseminate the anti-virus. The mojo works but Artie passes out. He awakes to see Vanessa and wonders if it's heaven, until he sees Hugo.
The police arrive and arrest Tyler. Hugo announces the young woman in the hospital is fine. Artie asks if Hugo is going back to Eureka. He says he's done with that crazy town and is looking for something more sedate and peaceful. Vanessa goes to Artie and tells him she has to go. He says he knows they had dinner plans but he wishes her and Hugo the best. She meant she had to go home to Atlanta, not anywhere with Hugo. They were an item, but not anymore. She says when Hugo looks at her he sees the young girl inside her. When Artie looks at her, he sees her. She kisses him and says he owes her a nice dinner. Claudia squeals.
In the cop car, Tyler is pleading for his freedom. The cop says someone with a solution to his legal troubles wants to talk to him. FBI agent Sally (Ashley Williams) gets in the back with Tyler, she tells the "cop" Marcus (Sasha Roiz) to use the siren since their employer is anxious to meet Tyler.
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