- Peter Parker: Some day I'll show them! Some day they'll be sorry! Sorry that they laughed at me!
- Linkara: [singsong voice] I see a killing spree in his future!
- Narrator: Like costume heroes? Confidentially, we in the comic mag business refer to them as "long underwear characters"!
- Linkara: Well, it's not confidential now. And for some characters, the underwear analogy just doesn't work. Do you know anybody who goes to bed wearing this?
- [looks at Spider-Man's attire]
- Linkara: I mean, besides Stan Lee?
- Narrator: And, as you know, they're a dime a dozen! But, we think you may find our Spiderman...
- [sic]
- Narrator: ... just a bit... different!
- Linkara: [as narrator] His life is a never-ending spiral of shame and death!
- Narrator: As you may have gathered, Peter Parker was far from being the biggest man on campus!
- Linkara: [as narrator] That would change after his clinical depression pushed him to Twinkies and Hostess Fruit Pies.