Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup (2011)

Jon Cryer: Alan Harper

Quotes 

• Alan Harper : Since when do you care about her kid's education?

  Charlie Harper : Young people are our future, Alan. I care about them all.

  Alan Harper : Oh, please! The only young people you care about are sliding down a pole to grab dollar bills out of your mouth!

  Charlie Harper : Those aren't dollar bills! Those are twenties!

• Charlie Harper : Alan, listen to me very carefully. I have not had sex with your girlfriend.

  Alan Harper : Still in the planning stages!

• Lyndsey Mackelroy : [Giving Alan a house key]  I want you to feel like you can come and go without checking in with me.

  Alan Harper : Wow! Thank you! In a lot of ways, this isn't just the key to your house, it's the key to your heart.

  Lyndsey Mackelroy : Don't gay it up.