Doug Walker: Chester A. Bum

Quotes 

• Chester A. Bum : It's so cold it's warm! Oh what a shock, it's even colder!

• Chester A. Bum : I had to eat my toe to stay alive.

• Chester A. Bum : I never should have left the comfort of my box. I had a nice fire going until it set the box on fire, and now I have no place to live again, but that's usual.

  [looks at the marker he's holding; to camera] 

  Chester A. Bum : You might be looking at my current residence right now.

• Chester A. Bum : Take me, Satan, it must be so warm down there!

• Chester A. Bum : How did that happen? Just when you think there's nothing left that you can't lose the feeling in... there goes your johnson!

• Chester A. Bum : I don't even have a microphone, it's just a marker. Sharpie. Gets good reception

• Chester A. Bum : Oh, hello, I have decided to do the rest of the weather report inside. Um, apparently, a person from across the street saw what I was doing and considered it intolerable cruelty. So they invited me inside their house and, um, Channel Awesome will be looking forward to a... um, how did he put it? Law suit.