- The Angry Video Game Nerd: Geez, wouldn't this be a good reason to call off the wedding? I mean, he has had quite a day. Wonder how the bride's been doing? She's probably worried about, I dunno, her dress or the color of the fucking flowers or some shit. Next thing, the groom shows up covered in bomb ashes and bird shit. "Sorry, honey, I'm late! I had quite a day. The whole, all living creatures in the whole fucking town tried to kill me, that's all!" What makes him think the church is going to be any better? Is the priest gonna throw candles at him? Is Jesus going to climb off the cross and start hitting him with it?
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: What happened? I killed a bee? I killed something! The only thing you can kill in the whole game, and it's a little, tiny, stupid, *fucking bee*!
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: I called it a piece of shit, but I was only honoring it. I could have taken a shit on it, but my own shit would have been offended to be laying on this loathesome piece of filth! Just the thought of covering it in doo-doo is like encasing it in gold!
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: I think I get it. Why, it's the best game ever made! It's more than a game! It exposes the duel nature of the human spirit. The only way to win the game is to be Jeckyl, but you wanna be Hyde so you can shoot shit. You see, it's a constant battle against good and evil! Jeckyl must stay farther along his path than Hyde, so if Hyde takes the lead, then evil will triumph over good, and that's the true conflict of the human soul! And to deny the evil completely would be to move it into the subconcious to the human mind like a city broken into different social classes. People don't want to step outside their own boundaries, like Jeckyl walking into the wrong section of town. He's unwelcomed! Nevertheless, he must abide by his own good nature. No wonder the cane doesn't work! The game does not reward you among your malevolent intentions! It's a proposed guideline for a set of morality rules to be programmed through real life! It uses the Victorian Era as a fundamental depiction of outward stability and inward lust! It's a metaphor for social and geographical fragmentation! It alludes the froid theory of depression in which unacceptable desires or impulses are excluded from the conscious mind and left to operate on their own in the unconscious!... Or you could just say, the game fucking sucks!
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: Did you know that this game was created by Toho, the company that made the Godzilla films? No wonder Godzilla's been pissed off lately!
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: I guess the Japanese version is better? Kinda like eating a skunk is like eating a skunk with a little salt on it.
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: What did the good doctor do to make everybody so upset? I can see the townspeople sittin' at the local pub, talkin' about him all day. "Yeah, ya see Jekyll, ya see him? Ya see him walkin', he just keeps fuckin' walking! I don't like him. Think he's an asshole. He wears his underwear backwards. He has eyeballs for testicles!"
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: In May of 2004, I gave a warning about a game called "Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde". I made it clear, "Do not play this game!" But from what I understand, people have played it. They didn't listen, but it wasn't their fault. I only showed about 1 minute of footage from the game, and even though I talked about it at great length, it didn't do any good.
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: You don't walk slow, you walk normally, but everyone comes flying at you with all this killer shit! What did Dr. Jeckyl do to cause all this?
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: Birds shit little white splatter pellets, not big brown coiled-up poop mounds.
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: These people don't want to talk to you, oh no. They want you dead. Why they want you dead, I have no explanation.
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: Why can't the bomb kill anyone else? Is the rest of the town immune to bombs? Even the spiders don't die from it!
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: Awful music, dreadful graphics, unspeakable gameplay, deceptive enemies, unavoidable hazards, useless weaponry, all mixed together and calculated just right, that is a horrible concoction!
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: Is that statue taking a piss? It's taking a piss! And now the bird's taking a shit into the fountain. How appropriate. Look at this picture! This picture sums up the whole game!