Plot

Tom and Lynette still pretend to be spouses for the kids; Susan avoids all contact with the ladies; Bree is confident she can use Detective Chuck as a warning system.

Susan, Gaby, Bree, Lynette and Carlos must dispose of the body of Gaby's evil stepfather, who was killed by Carlos in order to protect his wife. But feelings of guilt begin to overcome everyone in different ways. Susan starts to withdraw from her friends and family, and Gaby works to reach out to Carlos while his guilt weighs heavily upon him. As Lynette and Tom are grappling with their disintegrating marriage and impending separation, Lynette is having trouble making the right choices ever since she participated in the cover-up. And Bree must be especially careful around her new love -- Detective Chuck Vance. Meanwhile, a sexy, new neighbor moves to town, Ben Faulkner, and he's Renee's first order of business.—ABC Publicity

"Desperate Housewives" - "Secrets That I Never Want to Know" - Sept. 25, 2011

We're back, and as you may have heard, this is the last season for the ladies of the Lane.

We pick up right where we left off in Season Seven. Gaby's dinner party has ended and the girls and Carlos have decided to dispose of the body of Gaby's evil stepfather Alejandro instead of going to the police. The reasoning is that Gaby is the only witness to the murder and there's no way to prove that Carlos killed her stepfather in self-defense. She can't bear the thought of him going back to prison.

Bree naturally takes over as leader of the group. They wrap up the body, toss it in the trunk of Carlos' car, take it to the woods and bury it. As they're filling in the whole the dead man's cell phone rings. This makes them realize that perhaps someone will come looking for him. Bree says it doesn't matter. They're in this together and they can tell no one. They put their hands in and make a pact.

We cut to a month later and how each woman and Carlos is dealing with it.

Carlos is struggling with his conscious and taking it out on the family by being snappy with everyone. He wants to confess to his priest. Gaby protests, but Carlos tells her the priest can't tell anyone if it's in confession and he needs to do it. He goes to the church but there's a new priest in the confessional, young and giddy... and not trustworthy. Gaby tracks down Carlos' regular priest- who was on his way to mission work in Rwanda-- and basically kidnaps him to get him to listen to Carlos. Without admitting anything he seeks the priest's counsel. The priest says the only road to absolution is to repent for one's sins and if we're not talking about a crime, the way to repent is to go confess to the authorities. Carlos says innocent people are involved so he can't do that so he guesses absolution isn't in the cards for him. When he is still troubled Gaby explains that her stepfather terrorized her life long after the abuse ended. She heard him in noises in the nights, saw him in shadows in alleys, and haunting her dreams. That is all over now because of Carlos. If he's seeking absolution, she says, he can have it from her. Although he is still troubled that this makes him a murderer, he appreciates what she's saying to him and they kiss.

Meanwhile, Bree seems to be struggling least of the group, except that she's the one dating a cop. (Of course she's kept plenty of bad secrets and she's such a good compartmentalizer.) She points out that this could actually be helpful since she'll be the first to know if there's an investigation. Things are going very well with Detective Chuck Vance in general until he points out that he feels like her friends don't like him and have acted strangely ever since Gaby's dinner party. He can't figure out why. Bree distracts him with sex. Later when he comes home and announces he found a dead body she asks a few questions. It was someone else but realizes as he tells his story about figuring out there was dead body from a parked car with many tickets on it that Gaby's stepdad probably had a car. Bree and Gaby grab Alejandro's keys and go searching for it. Eventually they find it and plan to dump it in a bad neighborhood and let it get stolen. But, it's a stick shift (manual transmission). Gaby is doing such a poor job of driving it that they get pulled over... by Detective Vance. They concoct a lame story that the car belongs to Gaby's aunt Shirley. The tale gets taller and taller (and more outragous) as they drive and he notices details in the car-- a ballcap, men's cologne, chewing tobacco-- and aunt Shirley becomes a lesbian and Gaby claims to chew tobacco. She shoves some in her mouth and immediately needs to throw up. They pull over and the detective helps her to a garbage can. At that moment a carjacker shows up and tells Bree to get out. Of course she's thrilled... urban decay has done its job. The thief speeds off and Bree claims Aunt Shirley just happened to walk by to claim the car. Detective Vance is puzzled, but Gaby is not amused.

Lynette, of course, is having other problems that the cover-up is compounding. She and Tom have separated. He's living over Bree's garage. But since they don't want to tell the kids he's been running home every morning and pretending everything's fine. Lynette keeps putting it off and he says it's time to tell. She says they will. One night, however, she has a dream that Gaby's stepdad, covered in dirt and blood walks up the stairs and opens the door. In a panic from her nightmare she goes to Tom and says she needs him. Presumably, they make wild passionate love. They then oversleep and both have to run back to the house. The kids aren't up yet. Tom says they need to talk. If the previous night meant she wants to get back together he's open to it but says they still have serious work to do. She says the previous night wasn't about that. She had a nightmare, she was scared and says having him across the street makes her feel safe. He is livid. Just then the kids come down. Tom and Lynette break the news to them.

In a completely unrelated scenario, a hot new neighbor guy has moved to Whisteria Lane. His name is Ben Faulkner who is formerly from England since he talks with a distintive British accident. The shallow and man-hungry Renee decides to make a move in on him. But even after she basically offers up sex on a platter the guy turns her down for some odd reason that is not explained.

The neurotic and clumsy Susan is having the hardest time of the women. Always mentally troubled, she is really is put off her game... to the point that Mike is beginning to wonder what is wrong with her. Of course, she can't tell him. He wonders if it's the girls since they haven't gotten together for coffee or poker lately. Susan says she'll be fine. It turns out that she's been avoiding them and they're all worried she's going to crack under the stress. She goes for a run and goes by the grave site.

Susan then goes to substitute teach for the day at her old school and the class hamster dies. She's informed by another teacher that she'll need to bury it and have a little ceremony for the kids. Of course she breaks down and is overly dramatic about this. Juanita, who is in her class for the day, says not to worry since the hamster was kind of evil and ate it's own babies. Susan wonders if that was enough to mean it deserved to die and that decision isn't up to them. When word gets back to Gaby about Susan's breakdown she goes over to her house and begs her to hold it together. If not for her own sake but to think of what would happen to Gaby and the girls if Carlos went to jail? Susan says she's trying. Aware of Susan's life-long mental problems, Gaby tells her to try harder. Eventually, when Mike says he's worried that there's something going wrong with their marriage, Susan goes to the other women and tells them she's going to tell Mike. They argue about this not wanting to let Mike in on it. Lynette and Susan take it out on Bree for making all the decisions. Gaby notes that of course the problem is that it's Susan falling apart. They all fight in Gaby's backyard-- she was having everyone over for a barbecue-- and the ladies end up in the pool. The men, Carlos, Detective Vance, and Mike are perplexed.

Later as they're drying off, Lynette laments the state of her marriage. The women all comfort her, with Bree noting that with all that's been going on with the dead guy, they haven't really been there for her. Lynette points out to Susan the good thing about Tom and Mike not knowing is they can never be implicated. Susan realizes they'll never be able to tell anyone. The woman agree and all clasp hands again in solidarity.

In a voice-over at the end of the episode, Mary Alice reminds us that it is the best of friends who stay long after the party's over to help clean up.

As we see Gaby comforting Carlos, she says, "To cleanse the pain of a guilty a conscience."

As Renee helps a sorrow-stricken Lynette, Mary Alice adds, "To pick up the pieces of a broken marriage."

As Bree takes a bag of trash out of Susan's house, Mary Alice says, "to sweep away the loneliness of keeping a secret."

We watch as Bree is walking down the street with her boyfriend, all smiles. She steps aside for a moment to check her mailbox, and finds a note inside.

"Yes, it's good to have friends who help clean up our messes. But every housewife knows that as soon as one mess is taken care of, another one appears," Mary Alice warns, "and we may find ourselves right back where we started."

Bree opens the note and, upon reading it, suddenly looks very shocked and afraid. When we seen the note, we understand why. It's a familiar message written in familiar handwriting, the same words that were anonymously written to Mary Alice over 10 years ago before she put a gun to her head in the very first episode of the series:

"I KNOW WHAT YOU DID.

IT MAKES ME SICK.

I'M GOING TO TELL."

Someone knows their secret.... or so it seems.