Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)
The Tommy Wiseau Show (2010)
Doug Walker: Tommy Wiseau, John from TheRoomMovie.com, Nostalgia Critic
Quotes
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Tommy Wiseau : Oh hi, Internet, I'm Tommy Wiseau, and this is my Tommy Wise-show.
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Nostalgia Critic : Okay, I don't know what you're on, but I'm totally gonna make a sketch mocking the fuck out of you guys.
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Tommy Wiseau : Look, I grow go-tee for you. It's beautiful, HUH?
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Nostalgia Critic : Wait, where are you calling from?
John from TheRoomMovie.com : [is standing beside a washer and dryer in what looks to be a garage] I'm at the office at Wiseau Films!
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John from TheRoomMovie.com : Maybe if I eat, I'll feel better.
[begins stuffing dollar bills in his mouth]
John from TheRoomMovie.com : Money makes it all good. Money makes it all good.
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Nostalgia Critic : Can I put my review back up?
Tommy Wiseau : Oh, I have no control over that. You will have to talk to John at TheRoomMovie.com.
[looks to camera]
Tommy Wiseau : Hi, John from TheRoomMovie.com. Can he use some of our copyrighted images?
John from TheRoomMovie.com : Nooooooooooo!
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John from TheRoomMovie.com : All we care about is the money... I mean, our dignity. All we care about is our dignity! And we have plenty of that!
Tommy Wiseau : Yeah, that is true. We have lots of dignity. Like remember when I showed my ass? That was super dignified fantastic.
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Tommy Wiseau : It's like I always say, you should be allowed to express yourself any way you want, but what I don't want to see happening is for you to express yourself any way you want. Or else bad things happen.
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John from TheRoomMovie.com : I'll sue you! I'll sue all of you! All of you are going down! I'll sued the world! I even sued myself last week. Guess who won? MEEEEE!
[blubbers]
John from TheRoomMovie.com : I do a good job. I do a good job!
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Tommy Wiseau : You are tearing me apart, John from TheRoomMovie.com!
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Tommy Wiseau : Oh, hi, caller, this is Tommy Wiseau.
Caller : Who?
Tommy Wiseau : I wrote, produced, directed and starred in The Room.
Caller : What the hell is The Room?
Tommy Wiseau : Ah ha ha. What a funny story, Mark.
Caller : What the hell are you talking about?
Tommy Wiseau : Bye.
[hangs up phone]
Tommy Wiseau : Poodles.
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Nostalgia Critic : Hi, this is the Nostalgia Critic.
Tommy Wiseau : Oh, hi, Nostalgia Critic. What do you want?
Nostalgia Critic : Well I did a review of your movie a week ago and it was taken down because your studio claimed copyright infringement even though it's obviously a review so it's covered by fair use as well as satire parody clause.
Tommy Wiseau : Ha ha ha ha. What a funny story, Critic.
Nostalgia Critic : Actually, it's not. It's really annoying.
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Nostalgia Critic : Don't you think that not promoting it on our site and being copyright nazis is more damaging to your name? Aren't you afraid of being sent, like, a bajillion nasty e-mails?
John from TheRoomMovie.com : [hyperventilates] Nooooooooooooo! Noooooooooo!
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John from TheRoomMovie.com : Wait a minute, you have to stop right there! You're using copyyrighted images.
Tommy Wiseau : [looks around] Who, me?
John from TheRoomMovie.com : Yes, you! You're using the image of Tommy Wiseau.
Tommy Wiseau : But I am Tommy Wiseau.
John from TheRoomMovie.com : I know, and his image must be protected, even from yourself! He is a national treasure.
Tommy Wiseau : But I am that national treasure, even though I don't know what nationality I am.
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John from TheRoomMovie.com : We have a good name to keep!
Tommy Wiseau : No we don't. We're famous because people make fun of our name. I can't even pronounce my last name.
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John from TheRoomMovie.com : I will protect you. You are too valuable to me. I love you.
Tommy Wiseau : [pause] Okay, this is sounding strange. I am going to leave now.
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Tommy Wiseau : They are using me, and I'm the fool.
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John from TheRoomMovie.com : You can't use footage from The Room! That's breaking copyright!
Nostalgia Critic : But it's not, it's a review!
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John from TheRoomMovie.com : I'm shutting you down! I can't stand to see your beautiful art tarnished!
Tommy Wiseau : You;re tearing me apart, John from TheRoomMovie.com!
