- Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi: Guys are douche bags and I hate them all. They don't know how to deal with women and I feel this is why the lesbian rate is going up in this Country.
- Ronnie Ortiz-Magro: I don't like tests. That's why I didn't go to College. Don't test me because I will fail the majority of the time.
- Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino: You need to be on your tip top game with your G.T.L. to stay F.T.D to get the girls to D.T.F in M.I.A. Say that five times.
- Vinny Guadagnino: All of a sudden, Ronnie has to get up and go to the bathroom and my man is puking up a storm. This shit is just pouring out nonstop like the Exorcist.
- Vinny Guadagnino: I'm in Miami. I don't want girls studying for finals. I want girls studying for dick.