- Ronnie Ortiz-Magro: So I come home and uh, some dude's in my kitchen and Mike's sitting still. Mike's got A.D.D so he never sits still. So I'm a little worried at this point.
- Paul 'Pauly D' DelVecchio - DJ Pauly D: [after the tampon fight between Mike and Angelina] This guy definitely wrote down a fake number because who the hell would want Angelina to call him after that?
- Paul 'Pauly D' DelVecchio - DJ Pauly D: [about Angelina] She brought all these random people home. She's a girl, you don't do that. That's a guy thing. Guy's do that. Not girls.
- Vinny Guadagnino: Mike brought home the Canadian, eh? And he wanted to show the Canadian what the Situation was all aboot.
- Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino: I will say that you were wrong for sleeping in my bed last night, just admit it. Seriously.
- Angelina Pivarnick: I said; 'thank you' when you were standing outside right in front of the kid's face.
- Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino: That was because Jose apologized! Just tell me, face-to-face, that you should have at least asked me.
- Angelina Pivarnick: Drop it. Now drop it.
- Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino: No. Who the fuck are you to say; 'drop it'?
- Angelina Pivarnick: Drop it.
- Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino: You slept in my bed!
- Angelina Pivarnick: Drop it.
- Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino: Drop your fucking big ass!
- Angelina Pivarnick: Drop your ugly face!
- Paul 'Pauly D' DelVecchio - DJ Pauly D: Oh yeah! Wake up! Yeah! Oh yeah! Wake up! Yeah! Burgers for the boys!
- Vinny Guadagnino: [about Angelina's violent departure] Tell you what though, she went out with a bang. That's for sure.
- Jenni Farley: Or at least six of them.
- Paul 'Pauly D' DelVecchio - DJ Pauly D: You can't have this shelf and you can't have this shelf.
- Vinny Guadagnino: Ok.
- Paul 'Pauly D' DelVecchio - DJ Pauly D: You also can't have this shelf.
- Vinny Guadagnino: Ok.
- Paul 'Pauly D' DelVecchio - DJ Pauly D: But you can have all of Angelina's shelf.
- Vinny Guadagnino: Oh, what's that? Just the floor?
- Paul 'Pauly D' DelVecchio - DJ Pauly D: Just the floor, bro.
- Vinny Guadagnino: Oh... all right...
- Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi: What I'd love to find is a Guido, juice-head with my personality. My style. And is not a cheater. Can I find that somewhere cause I'm not going to go on match.com again.
- Ronnie Ortiz-Magro: Angelina's like; 'well I don't know what I'm doing with myself yet'. What does that mean? What are you talking about?
- Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi: I think Angelina loves my sloppy seconds cause she goes to Vinny and then she's trying to go with what's his name? Like, what are you doing? If you want to make-out with me, just ask. I will say; 'yes'.
- Angelina Pivarnick: All of yous in this house are fucking faaaake! And I want all of you to know that I can't stand any of yous! Fake assholes, all of you!
- Ronnie Ortiz-Magro: Standing in one corner; 4ft 9, two inches with the poof, Snooki 'Shit-faced' Polizzi. Standing in the other corner; at 322 pounds is the Staten Island dump.
- Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi: [after fighting with Angelina] I'm still here! Heeeey! I'm still pretty! Heeey! I'm still pretty, bitch!
- Ronnie Ortiz-Magro: It's beating a baby; Snooki, like, you know what I mean? Like, she's so tiny. Like, her arms are like tyrannosaurus rex arms like, you know what I mean? She can't even get a full reach.
- Paul 'Pauly D' DelVecchio - DJ Pauly D: [about Snooki and Angelina's brawl] Is this going to go to a decision or is there going to be a knockout?
- Angelina Pivarnick: [Angelina's famous last words to Mike] Yo, you look like you're forty. Get some fucking botox, bro!
- Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino: To call me; 'fake' is just some... it's blasphemy to talk against the leader like that. In other Countries you get hung for that type of shit.