- Himself - Host: you get the double meaning? like emotionally...
- Natalie Portman: [interrupts him] yeah, I get it, I understand
- Himself - Host: do you wear bikinis?
- Natalie Portman: can we talk about the next thing?
- Himself - Host: next thing? OK, you shaved your head for V for Vendetta, did you also shave your V for vagina?
- Natalie Portman: [looks around, feeling uncomfortable by his question, shakes her head] pass
- Himself - Host: [dog begins to snore, looks at the dog] I got a bigger dick than that.
- Himself - Host: [segment ends]
- Himself - Host: [looking off camera, counting down] 3, 2, 1...
- Himself - Host: [to the camera] Hi my name is Zach Galifianakis this is Between Two Ferns today my guest is Natalie Port-man she's with her dog...
- Natalie Portman: [holds up her dog] Wiiz, this is Wiiz
- Natalie Portman: [using her voice to imply Wiiz is greeting Zach] hello
- Himself - Host: [annoyed, as she puts the dog on the floor] Wiiz, alright, you're an accomplished actress, you've graduated from Harvard, you've done some great international charity work, what's your phone number?
- Natalie Portman: [shaking her head] that's private
- Himself - Host: [dismissively] yeah I know
- Himself - Host: [briefly stares at her legs] you've done a lot of charity work...
- Natalie Portman: I've been working with a group called FINCA that does micro finance, it's like small loans for men and women in the developing worlds
- Himself - Host: that's great I do a lot of work with IMDB
- Natalie Portman: [remains silent, the dog comes back onto the stage]
- Himself - Host: was it really upsetting in Star Wars that you didn't have more scenes with Chewbacca?
- Natalie Portman: yeah actually...
- Himself - Host: [interrupts her] what's he like to work with?
- Natalie Portman: [rubbing her nose, thinking of a response] ummm...
- Himself - Host: [interrupts her] he doesn't speak English, does he? Does he have a translator? Because I always thought that'd be weird to communicate with him
- Natalie Portman: [remains silent]
- Himself - Host: that'd be so funny if he drove a Miata
- Natalie Portman: [confused] I'm not... What was the question?
- Himself - Host: [looking at his notes] I'll ask him when he comes on the show
- Natalie Portman: [the dog crawls up to Natalie's feet]
- Himself - Host: [the dog lies on his back, Natalie laughs] what is he? A German Shepherd? Being in the movie and stuff, do people approach and say I have an idea for a movie, does that get annoying?
- Natalie Portman: yeah that's annoying
- Himself - Host: [intentionally annoying her with an idea for a movie] I think it'd be cool like if you were in a movie wearing a two-piece bikini and get ready to make out with a guy, like a love scene and you undo your bikini in the back and you say "there's something I've been meaning to get off my chest."
- Natalie Portman: [remains silent, looks at her dog]