- George Burns: [monologue] You know, when I went to school I flunked in American History, but I had a legitimate reason. I failed in it because of bad penmanship. The girl I was sitting in back of knew all the answers, but her handwriting was so bad, I couldn't read them. Imagine me flunking in American History. When I was a kid, there was so little of it.
- Gracie Allen: Oh George, you're awful! It's not fair of you to put something over on me when I'm trying to put something over on you!
- George Burns: If anybody wants me I'll be up in the den.
- Gracie Allen: Alright, dear. And if you leave without telling me, be sure to let me know.
- Ralph Grainger: Mrs. Burns, it's spring and I hate to get cooped up in one place. I kinda get itchy feet.
- Gracie Allen: Oh, well then your underwear must be even longer than Harry Morton's.
- Ronnie Burns: Look, Mother, I think I'm gonna go up and tell Dad before he finds out - and I think I'm gonna tell him the truth.
- Gracie Allen: Well, why not? There's nothing wrong with the truth unless... you can't think of anything else.
- Blanche Morton: You know, Gracie, I think we got carried away with these new expensive spring outfits. I went over my budget and I'm sure you went over yours.
- Gracie Allen: Blanche, that's half the fun of shopping. The minute I realized I couldn't afford this dress, I bought it.
- Gracie Allen: Blanche, it's the duty of every woman to spend more than she can afford so that her husband will go out and earn more than he's able to.
- Gracie Allen: Grandma Mamie could do tricks shooting with pistols, rifles, shotguns, revolvers, bows and arrows - and she could even shoot with a porcupine!
- George Burns: A porcupine? How did she do that?
- Gracie Allen: Oh, it was easy. She'd just aim the porcupine at whatever she wanted to hit and then she'd pinch it in the right spot until it shot all its quills.
- George Burns: That sounds like a pretty dangerous weapon.
- Gracie Allen: Yeah, but she had trouble reloading it.
- George Burns: Well, how do you reload a porcupine?
- Gracie Allen: How do you load it in the first place?
- Harry von Zell: Gracie, I've got something to tell ya.
- Gracie Allen: Oh, what is it?
- Harry von Zell: I'm in love with the most beautiful, wonderful woman in the whole world!
- Gracie Allen: Oh well, I'm flattered, Harry, but I wish you hadn't said that. After all, you're one of George's dearest friends!
- Harry von Zell: No, you've got the wrong person.
- Gracie Allen: Well, you might think I have but I wouldn't change George for anybody!
- Harry von Zell: How old do you think I look?
- Gracie Allen: Well, it doesn't matter, but I'm sure you're much younger than that!